Starting To Heal

Screams that never got heard, tears that never got dried the ignored child as my parents would fight I found peace in sleep because my real life was a nightmare Parents didn't care to look after me, so I was taken into foster care I was only 3 so a little too young to understand what was going on But somehow I knew things were going wrong I was in a safer place but I probably cried more Imagine being that young and trying to comprehend being with a family that isn't yours? I spent most of my childhood looking for the guidance and love that my dad never showed me I felt that I didn't deserve to be happy, so I would let the sadness hold me He died when I was 14 and I still haven't shed a single tear It was about that time I started self-harming, but it's Eminem's music that kept me here now I'm sat here thinking about how I miss Chester Bennington and Robin Williams I'll never disrespect someone's beliefs, but right now I don't need to hear that God is brilliant I refuse to worship or fear anyone who won't talk to me face to face But I'm not here to get religious or political, I still miss an ex, but she has to remain my favourite mistake Some people can be in your heart but not in your life I had demons following me, with no one to protect me by my side most people are fighting their fears, but I haven't found out how to be scared yet Maybe that's why I've acted crazy and have been careless I thought making myself numb made me stronger but it made me weaker Even though it kept the pain out, it meant I couldn't let any happiness in either But I'm thankful for the lessons that come I'll always keep the fighting spirit, because I'll be honest, Depression almost won I've made a lot of mistakes, and I'm not afraid to admit to them But I will find my redemption with this pen To see the light at the end of the tunnel, I first had to admit the darkness was real Even though I'm not fully recovered, I'm starting to heal