Alex Duffy Poet Free verse

Starting To Heal

Screams that never got heard, tears that never got dried
the ignored child as my parents would fight
I found peace in sleep because my real life was a nightmare 
Parents didn't care to look after me, so I was taken into foster care 

I was only 3 so a little too young to understand what was going on
But somehow I knew things were going wrong 
I was in a safer place but I probably cried more
Imagine being that young and trying to comprehend being with a family that isn't yours? 

I spent most of my childhood looking for the guidance and love that my dad never showed me
I felt that I didn't deserve to be happy, so I would let the sadness hold me
He died when I was 14 and I still haven't shed a single tear
It was about that time I started self-harming, but it's Eminem's music that kept me here

now I'm sat here thinking about how I miss Chester Bennington and Robin Williams 
I'll never disrespect someone's beliefs, but right now I don't need to hear that God is brilliant 
I refuse to worship or fear anyone who won't talk to me face to face
But I'm not here to get religious or political, I still miss an ex, but she has to remain my favourite mistake 

Some people can be in your heart but not in your life
I had demons following me, with no one to protect me by my side
most people are fighting their fears, but I haven't found out how to be scared yet
Maybe that's why I've acted crazy and have been careless 

I thought making myself numb made me stronger but it made me weaker 
Even though it kept the pain out, it meant I couldn't let any happiness in either 
But I'm thankful for the lessons that come 
I'll always keep the fighting spirit, because I'll be honest, Depression almost won

I've made a lot of mistakes, and I'm not afraid to admit to them
But I will find my redemption with this pen 
To see the light at the end of the tunnel, I first had to admit the darkness was real
Even though I'm not fully recovered, I'm starting to heal

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Pandita Sietesantos July 22, 2019 at 9:50 PM I truly feel your pain, Alex, as you have so amazingly expressed in this emotive piece. However, I am happy that you are on the road to healing! Love and hugs. Pandita Alex Duffy July 23, 2019 at 12:35 AM Thank you, without the pain we wouldn't understand happiness though, sometimes we have to go through the worst to get to the good. Thank you it takes a while but once you allow yourself to heal things get easier :). Love and hugs to you too :)

Jeanne Mcgee July 19, 2019 at 2:00 PM Good for you. This speaks to very real pain and healing...so many of us have experienced some form. Nicely penned. Alex Duffy July 21, 2019 at 6:06 AM Thank you, yeah everyone has gone through some sort of pain, and we all heal differently, sometimes it takes us a lot longer,but as long as we keep going thats all that matters. Thank you I appreciate it