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Squashed Boobies

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My maternal grandma died of breast cancer when she was about 40 - the poem is based purely on MY past four experiences of mammograms which I found to be quite painful yet other ladies may have a better experience.

A MAN'S LIFETIME RISK OF BREAST CANCER IS ABOUT 1 IN 1000

Guys if you can imagine you balls being clamped in a vice .... I will say no more!

Tonight I found a letter on my doormat It was addressed to me – oh fancy that I opened it and it does say Please come for a mammogram one Monday My heart sank like an enormous stone With sinking spirits, I let out a huge moan They take one of your very precious ‘norks’ Clamp it so hard your eyes pop out on stalks Then leave you imprisoned and take a pic Tell you it may be uncomfortable – just a little bit They lied, they lied, they blooming lied I found it so painful I could have cried Oh joy of joys now they must do the other side One boob squashed like a pancake, the other I want to hide But they get you quick before you can escape They need to scan both boobies there can be no mistake Men and women can BOTH get breast cancer Checking your breasts regularly is the answer Jan Allison 15th September 2014

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Lin Lane

Date: 11/15/2017 7:05:00 PM

Oh tis a bother and you daren't move or they'll squash you again!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/15/2017 7:15:00 PM

You can't move when they've got your norks in a vice lol:-) thinking of you tomorrow:-) hugs jan xx

Daver Austin

Date: 3/9/2015 11:07:00 AM

I do hope you are ok with the boobies. When I weighed 285 I had a good C cup, but never had my boobs checked. At 85 I will probably pass on from a number of other problems. Congrats on this informative poem being selected. Love, daver

Jan Allison
Date: 3/9/2015 11:11:00 AM

Thanks so much Daver - at a cancer forum talk I met a man who had had a double mastectomy - I was shocked to learn 1 in 1000 men get diagnosed so wanted to pen a poem as a warning to men to also be breast aware:-) Hugs Jan xx

Robin Davis

Date: 9/24/2014 7:25:00 AM

Jan I can associate with this when I get my exam done. But its not as bad for me as other woman. I don't have much up there to "squish" LOL Thank you for the awesome comment on my Stupidity poem.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/24/2014 8:25:00 AM

I've got a bit - a bit too much I think lol. thanks for the lovely comment Robin:-) Hugs Jan xx

Paul Schneiter

Date: 9/22/2014 6:04:00 PM

Jan, My wife identifies with your poem. In fact she has told me you describe the experience perfectly, but with excellent humor. Bravo for expressing something that needed to be expressed, and for doing it with superlative skill. . . . Thank you for your wonderfully encouraging comment about "Autumn." It means a lot to me; I couldn't be more grateful.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/22/2014 6:08:00 PM

My pleasure Paul:-) this will be my 5th mammogram - I'm looking forward to it ...not ...but it is a necessary evil. i do try and write with humour even on serious subjects and I am so pleased your wife could identify with my write:-) Hugs Jan xx

Seren Roberts

Date: 9/18/2014 2:30:00 PM

Jan your so right, it blinking is painful, but a necessity. Geez times like this I wish I had pimples. Rofl....Seren

Jan Allison
Date: 9/18/2014 2:36:00 PM

yes its the one time you wish you were a little bit smaller LOl:-) Hugs Jan xxx

Arthur Vaso

Date: 9/16/2014 2:48:00 PM

Great! I haven't been feeling myself lately, mind if I feel you? :)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/16/2014 2:58:00 PM

Hey I'm well in here... Tim is offering to kiss them better and you want to cop a feel LOL Hugs Jan xx

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 9/16/2014 1:45:00 AM

Amazingly entertaining and didactic and let me not forget the beauty of the poem's flow! Wonderfully done dear jean, a seven is a must! Thank god I have not got b....s!Ha-ha!

Jan Allison
Date: 9/16/2014 2:57:00 PM

If you had to get them squashed Demetrios a man would soon invent a less painful method of scanning ;-) Hugs Jan xx

Demetrios Trifiatis
Date: 9/16/2014 3:51:00 AM

Well, I am aware of that my dear, Jan, but still I am thankful for not having b....s to be squashed!

Jan Allison
Date: 9/16/2014 1:48:00 AM

You may not have boobies Dememtrios but men can still get breast cancer so it's worth just being aware - I met a man a few months ago at a cancer meeting he'd had a double mastectomy - its fairly rare but it does happen. Hugs Jan xxxx

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 9/15/2014 11:00:00 PM

hahaha. I just had my mammogram. But the lady was very fast and the pain is totally bearable compared to other things I have experienced. Was on a ride at the fair for my birthday and I could barely get the safety bar over my boobs. The guy in charge of the ride came by and pressed the bar down on me. NOw THAT was about as bad as a mammogram and the stupid kid next to me asked, "Are you all right?"

Jan Allison
Date: 9/16/2014 12:45:00 AM

got mine on 15th October - oh am looking forward to it sooooo much - not. Hugs Jan xxx. did the guy not offer to rub it better for you lol

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 9/15/2014 7:23:00 PM

would of been here earlier but a little under the weather. just been posting a few old ones i had hanging around. speaking of hanging around i put my balls in a vice like you suggested ouch!!!. do i win anything?

Jan Allison
Date: 9/16/2014 12:42:00 AM

Oh hope you are feeling brighter this morning Maurice - re part 2 - you win my admiration for making me giggle:-) Hugs jan xxx

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 9/15/2014 7:20:00 PM

very important what you wrote Jan. i believe they are working on new technology but it is still very expensive. I lost my friend and my cousin both women to breast cancer. both much too young. it is such a frightening thought for women. i feel for all women. love, maurice.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/16/2014 12:40:00 AM

I would gladly fund raise to get new technology in to the local hospital to get the thermal imaging equipment in if it helped make the expereince better for the people who have to endure the current painful mammogram :-) Hugs Jan xx

Sara Kendrick

Date: 9/15/2014 2:59:00 PM

I totally agree with you..If it was a test that all men had to have they would come up with another way to do it..It is painful..Thanks for dropping by..Sara

Jan Allison
Date: 9/15/2014 3:05:00 PM

The machine has to have been invented by a man Sara! I understand they can do tests using thermal imaging - I guess it is expensive but oh wouldn't it be a joy not to have the discomfort of squashed boobs! Thanks for dropping by Sara I do appreciate your comment:-) hugs Jan xx

Casarah Nance

Date: 9/15/2014 2:52:00 PM

Great to have a poem that shows the real life of it, yes it might be painful, but it is a necessary test, to avoid future pains. Hugs sweetie. I have a breast cancer awareness shirt that says I (heart) boobs. if you don't check them I will :)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/15/2014 3:01:00 PM

It is so weird Cas I was thinking about when my next one was due after I heard something on the radio on my way to work and lo and behold there is a letter when I get home. Great T shirt slogan Cas :-) Hugs Jan xxx

Tim Smith

Date: 9/15/2014 1:16:00 PM

Oh Jan...would you like me to kiss them and make then feel better......seriously this is a beautiful piece drawing attention to breast cancer....hugs Tim

Brenda Meier-Hans
Date: 9/15/2014 3:57:00 PM

Thanks for your comment below Tim.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/15/2014 1:25:00 PM

TIM BEHAVE!!!!!! Give me time to think on that answer ... its not until 15th October LOL.(Is this Tim or really Maurice answering ;-) I went to a meeting on breast cancer and met a man who had had a double mastectomy - I was surprised at the risk to men - I thought the odds would have been much much lower. Hugs Jan xx

Brenda Meier-Hans

Date: 9/15/2014 1:14:00 PM

Love your poem Jan. I always come here to get my smile of the day. As a one year BC survivor I'm glad you added your last two lines. You described it so well and I love it.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/15/2014 2:44:00 PM

Aww Brenda you are so so kind to me and I do try to write with humour and I am so so pleased you enjoy my light hearted writes - I have re-categorised the poem as humour as despite it being a serious subject there is a humourous side to it to:-) hugs Jan xx

Brenda Meier-Hans
Date: 9/15/2014 2:12:00 PM

Well some might not like it but then they probably wouldn't like fart jokes either. ;-). All kidding aside Jan who cares. You have a large following here and I know it is because we all come here to get a Jan kick. You have the ability to make us smile with your cute little poems. Heaven knows we need something more then just gloom and doom here and you are the best medicine girl. Eat that up it's all yours. Love you lots, keep it up as long as you can. When you are down we'll try to put a smile on your face.

Tim Smith
Date: 9/15/2014 1:22:00 PM

Congratulations Brenda..hugs

Jan Allison
Date: 9/15/2014 1:21:00 PM

I wasn't sure if I should put it down as humourous. I didn't know if I was being a little OTT writing about the discomfort but this will be my 5th one as I've had issues with lumps BUT a mammogram is a necessary evil and does save many lives by early detection. You inspire me Brenda!!!! Hugs Jan xx