Slip of the Tongue

I was a city born and city bred young fellow, whose shoes had mostly only touched concrete and tar. Oh yes I had seen grass, but out on a footy ground and my entertainment was drinking at a nightclub bar. As a city bred young bloke I had never seen the stars for blanket smog and neon lights had blocked them out. I never knew what clean air was, nor really cared at all, and rain was just a nuisance that I could do without. I had no idea where food comes from - why should I? I just hand across ten dollars, and bingo! In my hand, is warm and crispy chicken with leaves I throw away, and chocolate milk comes in a carton with a brand. But I’m informed one morning, this is not the case. Milk, like cheese and butter, and yoghurt too somehow, comes to the city from the country, for us city folk. And I didn’t quite believe - from the inside of a cow. A cow! I’ve never seen a cow. What’s a cow look like? That’s right! I admit I’d not seen a cow in all me life. I barely knew the difference, between a cow and a pig, until in a nightclub - that’s where I met me future wife. Jean is a lovely girl; so pretty, and near rural to the core. She knows every breed of cow that is written in the book. Jean has milked them, immunised, dehorned them in a crush, so she’s quite strong in the arm and can land a great left hook. I’m talking of me own experience; me jaw is still quite sore. The lesson that I learnt is to choose words more carefully. I’m not sure if the listeners sed at what I had said, or were pleased to see an enraged woman acting like a bully. Since we had married in the city, and lived in a city flat, me darling Jean for many months suggested time and time again, we should go back to her hometown where Jean promised me, that I will finally see a cow and Jean won’t have to explain. Now I’ve seen Friesians, Jerseys, Guernsey’s, Ayrshire’s; I’ve eyed Poddy Calves, yearling Heifers, Bulls and Steers. I’ve become an expert on cows, and just what is required. I know everything that’s needed about cows so it appears. But when lecturing colleagues with Jean close by me side, it became the catalytic weapon to cause a murderous scene, for I proudly uttered loudly without consequential fears, that I had never seen a cow until - I met my wife Jean.