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Sharon's Tootsie Rolls

I kept them in the 'fridge
In hopes to keep them fresh
To send to my friend Sharon
Our minds, they seem to mesh

I prepared the envelope for me to mail
(kind'a odd, cause I know not where she lives)
I knew that I had promised, and I could not fail

But much to my great surprise
You should see my bulging eyes!
Some weasel had stolen Sharon's candy
I'd never be oh so randy

So I bought 2 bags more
And just to be real sure
I hid them where I'd never expect they'd be
I thought how clever I was, you see

I rose the next day
was amazed what I did see
To find my chocolate stained fingers
Oh no!! It can't be me!!!

Sleep walk, now sleep-eating?
Just how I could not figure
What's next, a frozen steak?

So once again I bought
More Tootsie Rolls, and fought
Any dream or thought
Of stealing once again

I tied my hands to the bed
Barricaded the 'fridge real well
I went to bed with crossed fingers
And slept just like the dead

Next morning I awoke
With bittersweet tootsie Roll breath
The 'fridge's door was ripped off
And I swore upon my death

I'd mail her money to buy
Her very favorite treat
And I'd be feeling better
And everyone I would meet

Would know I'm the candyman
Now, ain't that kind'a sweet?

My Tootsie Roll sleep-walks
Will plague me once again
I put tacks on the kitchen floor
In case I get a yen

Now my story's told
And Sharon's dental bills will rise
But when she sees her Tootsie Rolls..
There'll be quite a gleam in her eyes

You've heard enough, I fancy
And of this I am quite sure
I hope never to see more candy
And this ends my tale once more.

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