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Scared of the Pen

Sitting alone with my thoughts and this drink at night So many thoughts but I'm scared to pick up the pen and use this Ink to write So much of my pain is bottled up, I know it's not good to keep it in I've had so much to say but I've been scared of the pen Even without talking about the pandemic the past year for me has been painful They call it the devils juice, but this alcohol has been my angel My Mum got ill and I've been her full time carer since From growing up in foster care, to being here for her just shows my strength But truth be told i've been in a bad place trying to deal with stress Laughing for the benefit of my friends, but secretly trying to heal while depressed So much bottled up inside that I need a clear out So many issues I keep to myself because I know they're things people don't want to hear about lately my mind has been elsewhere Taking care of others but neglecting self care 7 years free from Self-harm, but not caring for myself was as dangerous as when I used to use the blade Maybe I shouldn't be so honest, but I can't put on an act I'm not on a movie stage So many questions I have, but I may never have the answers Last november I got sexually assaulted on a night out, then 2 weeks later I lost a friend to cancer I usually hide behind humour, but there's nothing funny about this Since then, self made hidden armour and a fake smile have been my outfit Most people are trying to make it out of the storm, but I know how to survive in it I hardly ever cry, but maybe it would be healthier if I start crying out more Giving up isn't an option, there isn't a fight I will be lying down for Because if I'm still in the fight against my demons then I might win it I've had so many days of pain and nights of worry But I get back up when they least expect it like I'm Tyson Fury I always find a way to survive so my demons and obstacle should be the ones scared But recently I've been scared of the pen because of everything I've been through in the past year

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Darlene De Beaulieu

Date: 10/19/2020 12:15:00 PM

Hello Alex Duffy, write your feelings out in poetry. Write it out until you heal. Read other poets poetry to heal. Just pick the poem that is calling you to read to heal. that is what I did to heal. Write it out get it out of your system. Write, write. Enjoy your day my friend.

Darlene De Beaulieu
Date: 10/22/2020 10:08:00 AM

Hello Alex Duffy, I am happy to hear you will continue to write. Write when you are ready no one is forcing you to write. I look forward to reading your poetry. Enjoy your day my friend.

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:55:00 AM

I will keep writing until I heal, I've been slowly starting to get back into writing again, just biding my time with it as I don't want anything to feel forced/rushed. Thank you for that advice that is something I'll do :) enjoy your day too :)

Linda Alice Fowler

Date: 10/14/2020 6:36:00 AM

Hard-hitting honesty in this write Alex. Very moving. Stay strong and write on! Linda

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:26:00 AM

Thank you, and I will keep writing :) I'm slowly getting back into writing again :)

John Castellenas

Date: 10/4/2020 9:48:00 AM

Powerful and honest words written. Us, who love to write. We bleed to paper. We need to write. The deeper the hole we are in. The most words come out. This is outstanding poetry. You made the reader believe and understand every word.

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:38:00 AM

Thank you, yeah we need the paper to express our emotions and pain, it's amazing how powerful words can be. Thank you so much, I just tried to be as open and honest as possible :)

Victor Buhagiar

Date: 9/16/2020 10:31:00 PM

Congratulations on your POTD.

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:27:00 AM

Thank you :)

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 9/16/2020 8:05:00 PM

Poetry can give a writer a healthy release. In sharing your pain others may relate. This has been one challenging year for many of us. Keep strong by writing and sharing. You have the ability to help others in pain too. Congratulations on having your profound and worthy poem honored with POTD! Bless you in your future endeavors. xxoo

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:53:00 AM

That's why I love poetry and writing, knowing people can relate and it may help them has always amazed me. It was Eminem's music that I related to and inspired me to write. The power of words is amazing. Yeah this year has been extremely difficult for us all. Thank you so much :)

Tom Cunningham

Date: 9/16/2020 8:05:00 PM

There is pain in your verse Alex, you've certainly been through it, but I detect a strong fighter inside you who is not going to give up fighting any time soon, Never be afraid to pick up your pen, use it as a sword. Congrats on POTD Tom

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:48:00 AM

Thank you, yeah there is a strong fighter in me, it just took me a while to see that myself, thank you I will keep using my pen :)

Brandy Nicole

Date: 9/16/2020 7:08:00 PM

Your truth is painful to read, to feel upon my heart. " I've been scared" Of course you have, with all you have been through. Keep fighting and stay strong. Congratulations Alex, on Poem of the Day. My best to you. ~ Brandy

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:46:00 AM

Thank you, I will keep fighting and will stay strong, its all we can do in life to survive the bad times :) thank you so much I appreciate it :)

Jan Allison

Date: 9/16/2020 4:53:00 PM

Alex you have been through so much in your life and you have faced so many demons head on, keep on spilling the ink and congrats on POTD:-) hugs jan xx

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:42:00 AM

Thank you, in a weird way I'm thankful I've been through so much as it's made me stronger and gave me the belief I can overcome anything :) thank you xx

Mark Koplin

Date: 9/16/2020 12:35:00 PM

I’m so sorry that you were assaulted. I can feel your pain in your words. Foster care is a long hard and lonely road for kids and I’m so sorry you had to go through that hell. Cutting is way to common and I’m glad you stopped. Keep writing what’s on your mind and keep spilling the ink. Congratulations on your well deserved potd!

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:41:00 AM

Thank you, yeah foster care is extremely painful and heartbreaking as you go through it especially when they don't always tell you why you're there. But looking back it saved me from a much worse life with my family. Thank you, Self-harm is never the answer, but sometimes we have to go through something to realise we need another way to cope, thankfully I realised it. Thank you so much :)

Sam Kauffman

Date: 9/16/2020 9:58:00 AM

Congratulations on your POTD. Alex. You have made your pain transparent so the light of healing can shine through it and even though life has knocked you down this past year, with courage you stood up and took up your pen. This is a write filled with sadness but also courageous. Prayers and blessings.

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:36:00 AM

Thank you, I wanted to try and be as open and honest as possible with what I'd been through as I needed to get it out my system, I'm thankful I posted it now :). Thank you :)

Paula Goldsmith

Date: 9/16/2020 9:14:00 AM

Congratulations on your POTD win. Your pen did a wonderful write. Write to write. Cry to cry. Life can be very hard and unfair. On the web look up the poem "The Weaver" Anonymous Author. It is about "my life (your life) weaving and God." Keep writing away with blessings...........

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:34:00 AM

Thank you, yeah life can be unfair, but everything happens for a reason, even though it all hurt at the time, it's made me a stronger person thankfully :). I. Will definitely check that out :) thank you so much

John Watt

Date: 9/16/2020 8:46:00 AM

Alex, I'm grateful for your honesty, it is an inspiration to not keep the hurts and sorrows bottled up tightly. Like a small earthquake or volcano releasing steam, better than 'the big one'. Glad to see this as POTD, I hope your pen continues to take you down healthy roads of healing and community. Well done ~ John

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:32:00 AM

Thank you, I agree, I used to bottle everything up and it never ended well. Thankfully I started to be more open as I've got older, it's definitely healthier to share the pain. Thank you, my pen will always be there for me :)

Eve Roper

Date: 9/16/2020 7:34:00 AM

Congratulations on POTD, Alex. A painful write, but let the pen heal your soul slowly, but Anne-Lise is correct and a wonderful person as all here on Soup. There is help out there for you. Hugs Eve

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:30:00 AM

Thank you, yeah the pen definitely helps to heal, sometimes I forget how powerful words can be. Thank you so much, I appreciate it :)

Maureen Mcgreavy

Date: 9/16/2020 6:50:00 AM

Congratulations Alex! Great to see you in the POTD spotlight. Heart rendering, smart writing, your talent shines, and your heart does too. xomo

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:28:00 AM

Thank you so much, I appreciate it, this was the first poem I'd wrote in a while so I'm surprised yet happy people have liked it :)

Heidi Sands

Date: 9/16/2020 6:11:00 AM

Congratulations for POTD. It is brave of you to write this. The pen can certainly help with healing and processing things and so does letting out emotions, crying. I hope that you will keep writing. Stay strong :)

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:25:00 AM

Thank you so much, I truly appreciate it. Yeah I've always used the pen to express myself, I just had to get to a place mentally this time for me to want to express what I'd been through. I'm glad I wrote this now and am slowly getting back into writing :)

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 9/16/2020 1:40:00 AM

- A time of pain ... sometimes the pen will help with our thoughts and pains, Alex - Alkehol does not make you stronger ... it only postpones the problems and drowns your thoughts - As a nurse for many years ... my words are not taken out of thin air ... if you can not do it yourself ... you need help of professionals - Congratulations on this heartbreaking p.o.t.d. - Take care - // Anne-Lise

Alex Duffy
Date: 10/22/2020 1:23:00 AM

Thank you, I truly appreciate it, I've cut down on drinking already, i just went on like a 6 month drinking spree due to cope with my pain, then I slowly started to get back to normal and started going for walks just to get out of the house. I'm in a better place now ??

Robert Nyaanga
Date: 10/14/2020 1:59:00 AM

I want to be grateful on this specific highlight. Alcohol postpones problems. Alex, you need professionals assist you overcome your what you are going through. Faves--Sunshine