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Sitting alone with my thoughts and this drink at night 
So many thoughts but I'm scared to pick up the pen and use this Ink to write
So much of my pain is bottled up, I know it's not good to keep it in
I've had so much to say but I've been scared of the pen

Even without talking about the pandemic the past year for me has been painful 
They call it the devils juice, but this alcohol has been my angel 
My Mum got ill and I've been her full time carer since
From growing up in foster care, to being here for her just shows my strength

But truth be told i've been in a bad place trying to deal with stress 
Laughing for the benefit of my friends, but secretly trying to heal while depressed 
So much bottled up inside that I need a clear out
So many issues I keep to myself because I know they're things people don't want to hear about 

lately my mind has been elsewhere 
Taking care of others but neglecting self care 
7 years free from Self-harm, but not caring for myself was as dangerous as when I used to use the blade 
Maybe I shouldn't be so honest, but I can't put on an act I'm not on a movie stage 

So many questions I have, but I may never have the answers 
Last november I got sexually assaulted on a night out, then 2 weeks later I lost a friend to cancer 
I usually hide behind humour, but there's nothing funny about this 
Since then, self made hidden armour and a fake smile have been my outfit 

Most people are trying to make it out of the storm, but I know how to survive in it
I hardly ever cry, but maybe it would be healthier if I start crying out more
Giving up isn't an option, there isn't a fight I will be lying down for
Because if I'm still in the fight against my demons then I might win it

I've had so many days of pain and nights of worry 
But I get back up when they least expect it like I'm Tyson Fury 
I always find a way to survive so my demons and obstacle should be the ones scared 
But recently I've been scared of the pen because of everything I've been through in the past year
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