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Rude Awakening

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I bolt upright, how rudely I awaken! This dream I had; bizarre, implausible. I try remaining calm, but badly shaken, Returning now to sleep - impossible. This dream I had; bizarre, implausible. I was a rabbit in a meadow green, Returning now to sleep - impossible. So unforgettable what I had seen, I was a rabbit in a meadow green, Munching some grass, existing peacefully So unforgettable what I had seen, An owl with knifelike talons flies at me. Munching some grass, existing peacefully I try remaining calm, but badly shaken, An owl with knifelike talons flies at me. I bolt upright, how rudely I awaken!

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Aditi Mishra

Date: 5/12/2020 2:06:00 PM

I loved this poem the moment I read it! This resonates so well with the theme...the dream is so well described that I could live it. Also, "This dream I had; bizarre, implausible", till this line I had been thinking that it is the owl's point of view, only to realize that it was the rabbit that had been dreaming. I don't know why this one gave me such a personal experience that towards the end I believed even the owl could dream of it. Keep writing :)

John Watt
Date: 5/12/2020 2:10:00 PM

Thank you, Aditi, for your thoughtful comment. It kind of reminds me of the insomnia poem of yours I just read. When your brain is awake, there's little chance of your body getting any sleep!

Probir Gupta

Date: 5/10/2020 10:02:00 AM

Very deserving first place, John ... From the prosaic rhythm in the Pantoum form, I am inclined to call it a modern Pantoum ... I'll read it again ... Great ! ... I had once written a Pantoum in this very site with no rhyming ...

John Watt
Date: 5/10/2020 6:10:00 PM

An interesting poetic form, don't you agree? It takes a certain amount of focus to make it flow smoothly. Impossible to have a surprise ending, which I am so fond of! Thank you, Probir

Mike Gentile

Date: 5/10/2020 6:31:00 AM

John, congratulations to you as well. I really enjoyed your take on the Owl gif. ' Well done !!

John Watt
Date: 5/10/2020 6:08:00 PM

Thank you Mike, stay safe and be well. Happy Sunday to you ~ John

Eve Roper

Date: 5/9/2020 10:30:00 PM

Congratulations on your win, John , in the pantoum rhyme and personification contest. Great job with the theme you decided to choose. Thank you for your participating in the contest. Hugs Eve

John Watt
Date: 5/9/2020 11:32:00 PM

Hats off to you, Eve, for finding such evocative GIF files to inspire so many fun and interesting writes! Thank you for sponsoring and for the kind placement. Hugs ~ John

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 5/9/2020 9:56:00 PM

way to GO, John!!! You got a great placement with your pantoum. Congratulations

John Watt
Date: 5/9/2020 11:31:00 PM

Yay, so did you, and congrats to you too, my friend! The owl and the rabbit on the podium together! Thank you, Andrea

Timothy Hicks

Date: 5/6/2020 7:46:00 PM

It's a very intense scene you paint with the bunny in fear of the owl ... so oddly fitting with this not-so-easy form. You constructed it well with staying in rhyme and hiding those repetitions as means to to "zoom in" to closer and more elaborate detail. In the comments I see you participated in Silent's "Musical Pantoum" contest so many years ago ... that's a funny coincidence because I participated in that one as well! Very challenging and fun that was...

John Watt
Date: 5/6/2020 8:00:00 PM

It's hard to tell a story (with a beginning/middle/end) because the lines are so mixed around and intertwined. Can't do a surprise ending, because the end line has already been read in the first stanza! Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I think your point about progressively "zooming in" is my take away for next time I write one (4 years from now?)

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 5/6/2020 4:32:00 PM

oh I love how you took it from the RABBIT s viewpoint. What a great idea. I have mine written, just not posted>I did the owl too, except I have him ranting about how he's gonna get ya, you rabbit you.

John Watt
Date: 5/6/2020 5:15:00 PM

Well now we know who the prey is and who the predator is, haha! I can't wait to see yours... hopefully I haven't just scripted my next jolting nightmare! Thanks for the visit!

Ilene Bauer

Date: 5/6/2020 2:31:00 PM

yikes! your poem goes perfectly with that frightening image of the attacking owl, john! well done! best of luck in the contest...

John Watt
Date: 5/6/2020 2:48:00 PM

Thank you for the kind words and wishes, dear poetess ~ John

Silent One

Date: 5/6/2020 8:36:00 AM

Oh poor bunny.. You did this pantoum very well, not an easy form.. The flow and rhymes are very good.. Some pantoums also have a syllable restriction... Eve is a great pantoum poet and a great judge.. Good luck in the contest.

John Watt
Date: 5/6/2020 2:45:00 PM

SO, this is my second pantoum, but I have you to thank for trying it out the first time. It was your "Musical Pantoum" contest back in 2016, so thank you for expanding my poetic horizons, and for the kind words today. All the best, John

Heidi Sands

Date: 5/6/2020 6:56:00 AM

This is an excellent poem. So well written, John. Powerful personification and all with the challenge of this form of poem. :)

John Watt
Date: 5/6/2020 11:29:00 PM

Heidi, I thank you for the visit and encouragement. You are correct about the challenges of this form; and I have far from mastered it. Like anything, practice makes less imperfect.

Jan Allison

Date: 5/6/2020 5:12:00 AM

what a superb interpretation of the gif John ... I have bolted upright in a dream... I thought a spider was crawling across my face - I leapt out of bed, twisted my ankle and ended up in the emergency room - oh what childhood memories lol:-) hugs Jan xx

John Watt
Date: 5/6/2020 2:47:00 PM

The way this GIF ended reminded me of the last moment of a nightmare where we wake up before knowing how it really ends. I've had many sleep-ending nightmares in my life, but only one where I have "bolted upright" (see reply below).

Michelle Faulkner

Date: 5/5/2020 10:30:00 PM

Have you ever actually 'bolted, upright' from a bad dream? (just wondering) Seriously, the dream is so vivid and immediate, and the arrangement of the pantoum flows seamlessly - an excellent poem for the contest!

John Watt
Date: 5/5/2020 11:01:00 PM

Ha! I actually did bolt upright once in a mummy sleeping bag while camping and dreamed I was in a straitjacket! Didn't sleep much that night, that's for sure! Thanks, Michelle.