Revealed

If I choose to show my agony to the whole world I become labelled as an attention seeking nonsense If I choose to hide it, Behind self trained glamorous smiles And behind thousands of 'I'm very well, thank you!' Why, I die little by little, As if, A drill was being thrust into my soul Merely to suck it up and to turn it into nothingness! Pray, in a mad world, running after its own meaninglessness What am I to do? Living hurts, As does the weight of sad violin tunes Living hurts, As do shark bites when messed up we are in seas Living hurts, As is the sight of seeing those whom we hold close to us Fade, slowly, into ghosts, till they disappear completely! Why, if I do choose to open up and say That I don't find my place here, As it, being a world where purity is revered not, Why, am I meant to be labelled as being too filmy? Is it that things are to be taken lightly That life is to be lived as it flows towards us And not according to what we want it to be As, humans, armed with machinery, Shall never be able to change the course of rivers, Being submitted, rather, to fear of itself changing its course And destroying them, in return! Why, I merely wish to be there where it has been painted In those books of holiness Books, holding the magic wands of life, Having enough power to soothe our suffering, Till we merge into it and transcend to where we are meant to! I merely wish to be there, But then, without Love's warmth, Even there would be void Resuming my happiness to be the state of it Being consumed by the power of not existing! My agony makes me who I am, A being who finds life too painful, A being who keeps struggling with God to be saved A being who can only write, hoping that her words, Or her next ones, Will soothe her!