Retirement

No more faxes, no more phones No more “It’s too early” moans No commuting, shouting, tooting No more shirts & ties & suiting No service station breaks and bites No toilet queues and car park fights No CRUISE control or heated seats No glovebox filled with fuel receipts No more hotel revolving doors No concierge, no polished floors No battered cases, weary faces Sleepless nights in far-off places No bacon fat, no butter pat No “Why have I been charged for that?” No checking out or checking in Or moans about the room you’re in No ‘silly hours’ airport dash No feeling for your foreign cash No passport checks, departure times, No Coke machines that don’t take dimes No drinks or pastes, no sprays or gel Lens solution? - banned as well No plastic meals or plastic smiles To carry you across the miles No luggage queues, no business shoes No funny, foreign, TV news No laws by which you must abide No driving on the other side No local customs, scraping, bowing Baffling greetings and kowtowing No horrid coffees, tepid teas No pidgin English; ‘Thank you, please’ Meetings, musings, tariff choosings Hushed asides, so oft confusing Remembering their children’s names Tax returns, expenses claims You’ve toed the line your whole life through But future plans are up to you Bin the laptop, scrap the email Make time for your favourite female