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Resuscitation

I died when first you kissed me;
My soul shook loose on a breath.
My spirit failed as I exhaled
Against the warmth of your lips.

Two arms were there to hold me
As the light began to gleam.
Your body aligned, firm, with mine,
Heaven was within my reach.

I died when first you kissed me;
Passion scorched my soul in flight
You, ever bold, entwined our souls,
Exhaled, and brought me to life.

7/21/2015 jsc

Experimenting with form. Lines 1,2,&,4 each have seven syllables. Line 3 has eight syllablesin six words with the third and sixth word rhymind

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015




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Date: 10/13/2015 8:36:00 AM
longest time friend. You've just exhibited to the highest quality exactly what I have missed in here for months. Your lines are so exciting and your words are each having that second hand of drawing me back to them again and again and again irrespective of how many times I have gone through them. Its nice to be home and you are part of the reason I have this refreshing feeling. A definite 7. Cheers!
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 10/13/2015 9:46:00 AM
Welcome Home! I've been on and off a bit since September due to work and family, but it's always nice to see old friends again. Thank you for this glowing review. Jan
Date: 8/25/2015 10:18:00 AM
What a fabulous write, you penned this a great and with vivid imagery...........A.M.
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 8/25/2015 6:57:00 PM
Thanks so much. It was an experiment on style.
Date: 8/21/2015 12:04:00 AM
LOVE THIS. I love patterns in poetry SO MUCH. You should check around and see if anyone has named this form. I had one similar with some of the lines having internal rhyme, but I went to Shadowpoetry and saw another guy had already claimed it. HA. So he got to name it after himself! Anyway, not only do I like this Form you are using, but also the THEME. It's the kind of theme I enjoy reading in a poem. SEVEN!
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 8/23/2015 11:38:00 PM
Andrea, I'm not sure how easy this form will be to reproduce. I'll have too try it on another theme. It was perfect for this one. One comment that I didn't make is that, although there is not really assonance, it works best when lines 2 and four have similar vowel sounds. So the stanza is either short, soft vowels or long, harsh vowels. I had one that originally was not pattered this way and it sounded awkward. Changing the word to fit smoothed it out. New babies in the family, so maybe I'll try it on a related theme.
Date: 8/20/2015 7:10:00 PM
Lol!!! I love how you penned it especially the first and the last stanza, it is so much beautiful and excellence............A.M.
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 8/20/2015 11:34:00 PM
Thank you so much Afolabi. I appreciate your time and comments.
Date: 8/20/2015 9:08:00 AM
I have an unposted prose in which i refer to kissin as mouth to mouth resuscitation since the kiss of luv is akin to kiss of life, so i enjoyd this sensational romantic poem creatively penned. Kudos. Great to read frm u again.
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 8/20/2015 6:31:00 PM
Thanks so much for stopping by to read. Love and the life it can breathe into someone, is a blessing of incomparable beauty and a gift.
Date: 8/3/2015 4:24:00 PM
I died as I read this....as if your Soul actually fed this....Love inside my heart, it's breathless....put all trust in God, you're never helpless....;)
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 8/6/2015 12:25:00 AM
Eric, thank you for the poetic response. May God continually renew you! Jan
Date: 7/27/2015 12:17:00 PM
WOW Janet, cold shower and blood pressure pill time! Is this your own poetry form? Going to my favs - Tim
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 7/27/2015 1:24:00 PM
Tim, thank you for the fave. Yes, this form is my own creation, which spings from my tendency to like to write in lines of seven or eights, but without specific meter. When I started this the internal rhyme felt natural to push that third line along. There is also some type of silibance between lines two and four.
Date: 7/23/2015 1:48:00 AM
Wow! This piece is bursting with passion and desire. Very romantic. :-)Alexis
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 7/23/2015 10:52:00 PM
Thanks for stopping by Alexis.
Date: 7/22/2015 6:36:00 AM
Janet, I'm with Arthur on this one..The opening line seemed to be inviting me to "peek" into a special moment. Form is wonderful but methinks it is truly well done when it is only a backdrop for words.
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 7/22/2015 3:15:00 PM
John, form is always just a backbone, or skeleton, for the message. If I can cover that with words in a rhythm that flow for the images I want, all the better. Glad you two liked this romantic ditty.
Date: 7/21/2015 11:27:00 PM
In this case, I was too enraptured by the verse to think of form! Hot!
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 7/22/2015 6:06:00 AM
Lol..then, I got something right. Thanks for the read, Arthur. ~Jan
Date: 7/21/2015 4:52:00 PM
Hi Jan: I love this piece. You said you were wondering about a word change in Stanza two ...maybe a little tweak in word order would do it....your body, firm, aligned with mine. Hugs, SuZ
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Suzanne Delaney
Date: 7/23/2015 2:57:00 PM
yes, gleam does work there. Forgot to say I really enjoyed the poem as a whole. The idea of total surrender and revival from one cause. Well thought out and written. SuZ
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 7/21/2015 11:03:00 PM
Thank you for the suggestion. I think I had already changed glow to gleam when you read this. After reading aloud several times, I realized the vowel sounds were working together in other stanzas. It's nice to know someone reads the footnotes however, and based a comment to it. Thanks!~Jan
Date: 7/21/2015 1:14:00 PM
Your experiment with a novel form was successful. The romantic piece is speckled with sensual undertones that keep one savoring each word to the very end. A 7 is not even enough...
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 7/21/2015 11:10:00 PM
Thanks for your sweet words, my friend.
Date: 7/21/2015 12:46:00 PM
dazzling with love's madness and written in a form that delights, janet... huggs
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Jaycee Cervenka
Date: 7/21/2015 1:04:00 PM
Thanks so much Nette. I keep reading and wondering if I need a word change in stanza two. Thank you for your comments..Hugs x ~Jan