Home » Poems » Stephen Kilmer » Razor Sadness

Razor Sadness

Moving towards the darkness I could only see myself There was no one else No one to set me free I planned to succeed I set it up so carefully You see the light was not to be It was not meant for me I live for the darkness Cemetery sadness Midnight trains that clang And whistle through the nights I put the steel upon my wrist And felt the cold blindness of fear I had a razor sadness And my blood would be the cure I felt the rain upon steel shores And then it was so quiet The light was in my eyes Was I in hell or heaven? I heard a woman’s voice calling, Calling me from the abyss I rose up through the caverns And then I felt a kiss My eyes snapped open And I realized I was still alive Would this life not let me go Release me, set me free? My soul was full of cancer My mind a one legged dancer I soon learned from my peers Those other souls with fears That my story was not unique And I was not alone They helped me to my feet And walked me down the hall Towards redemption of my life But mostly of my soul. One-by-one I heard their stories And mine was yet to tell For I was not ready to admit I was not ready to commit But committed I was And I journeyed there long Until one day I realized That when you find love You will come to peace Your fears will cease And you will learn to love.

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Donna Jones

Date: 8/6/2013 7:22:00 PM

Very well written....congratulations on the recognition... very sad to feel this way....I read the reply below about your dogs...I relate....I now have three...my most loyal friends....take care

Stephen Kilmer
Date: 8/7/2013 7:12:00 PM

Donna, Thank you very much for taking the time to read my work. Dogs are Gods gift to all of us. I have lived and loved them all my life. They carry through the hard times. Kilmer

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 8/5/2013 8:20:00 PM

Congratulations....PD

Stephen Kilmer
Date: 8/6/2013 5:31:00 AM

Thanks PD.

Laura Breidenthal

Date: 8/2/2013 8:51:00 PM

This is so deep it hurts! I love the metaphors. You write straight from the heart and you give a good message. Love binds all things together, like a finely written poem such as this. It is healing to write and to share words with others. Always, Laura

Stephen Kilmer
Date: 8/3/2013 2:02:00 AM

The truth hurts, but I found out that I had friends that cared for me. that in and of its self maybe the journey worth it. I still have some mental scars but they get a little better every day. The power of love is strong. Kilmer

Cherie Thomas

Date: 7/26/2013 11:08:00 PM

Excellent write!!! Kilmer.. but what was most gripping was the element of that second chance at redemption of life/and soul. I saw this documentary that they video taped people I think it was the golden gate brige, ca for over a year because there was a very high suicide attempts rate there...it was sad watching anguish in people who basically came everyday contemplating jumping..Ty4sharing very informative read...blessings cheriex

Stephen Kilmer
Date: 7/27/2013 2:04:00 AM

Thank you Cherie. I think I may have seen that same documentary. Very sad indeed. I wrote this from personal experience. I am not a child of this world. I am just passing through. Sometimes I find it hard to remain, but most days I am happy to be here. Thank God for my dogs. Without them I would be lost. Kilmer

Karen Anglesey

Date: 7/26/2013 6:59:00 PM

This echoes some feelings of despair and hope. The transformation from the deep feelings of angst to the light of peace and love is not always easy, but attainable. I really like your take on this subject :) WELL DONE

Stephen Kilmer
Date: 7/26/2013 7:51:00 PM

Thank you. I hope that this poem will help other's survive the horror we call suicide. Though Western culture has not reached out to the East to understand the honor associated with this act it is still worth helping people live and understand that there is no shame in doubt. Kilmer