Rationing Prayers

I used to pray with conditions attached... The I'll do this if you'll only do that type of soiled tripe.. The epitome of mind blemishes and ramblings that I knew would never bear anything significant. I'm older now and my prayer nest is made of a softer fabric. Less abrasive-less selfish Tiny puffs of hope- toward heaven Directed at the suffering of others. Sometimes prayer seems to work. Other times not so much. but who am I to question intention and outcomes. The sincere prayer is more exhausting than selfish ones. Since they're a drain on the mind. I've learned to ration them. Not wasting anything on those that run up huge tabs at societal expense. I miss those sticky-youthful days. Filled with wrecking ball-fun. And prayers attached to hazy conditions.