Quiet Pain
I'm alone in a crowded room
Mentally in a world of darkness
Consumed by sadness
Living a life of loneliness.
Why was I chosen?
What did you see in me?
I loved you and trusted you.
My innocence stolen
My youth violated
My childhood taken
My mind confused
As your hands discovered places
I never knew I had
As your lips opened mine
To seek the warmth within
My body betrays me
What is this feeling?
It feels good and it feels wrong.
My silence is loud
My tears are quietly unshed
I am trapped in a deep abyss
With no certain way out
My voice screams
And no one hears me
My subliminal messages are powerful
But no one feels them.
I can't sleep at night
My body is too alert
Waiting for him to come in
Touch me all over, do his dirt.
This man of God
HALLELUJAH, AMEN!
Becomes the spawn of Satan
Be careful, beware!
Night cloaks his perverted actions
And as the sun arises
He's holy again.
I began to hate this Jekyll and Hyde
They become one.
Good and bad
Bad and good...
The lines are unclear.
My posture slumps,
Clothes are oversized
Trying to hide the woman I was becoming
Maybe he would overlook me
If he couldn't see
The obvious
The overt
The ostentatious
But for 2 years
It did not work
And I was left alone,
My voice unheard
My pain not seen.
Writing, my therapy
Diaries, my friends
Dreams become nightmares
Shadows move in the night
They come to me
Fondling my prepubescent ******
Kneading my undeveloped breasts.
The silence is deafening.
I want the morning to come
My tears began to flow
Along the side of the face
And I look down at myself
With the sadness of self-pity
And wonder night after night
After night after night after night
Why me?
Why did you hurt me?
You were my daddy,
Even though you weren't
I loved you as the dad
I never had.
Your temporary pleasure
Is my permanent torture
And the distrust I have
For all things male
Certainly began with you,
Congratulations, take a bow.
Thank you for raping my innocence.
Thank you for abusing my childhood.
Thank you for tainting my spirit.
Thank you for corrupting my womanhood.
Thank you and God bless your perverted soul.
Copyright © Constance Gilmore | Year Posted 2012
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