Quiet Pain

I'm alone in a crowded room Mentally in a world of darkness Consumed by sadness Living a life of loneliness. Why was I chosen? What did you see in me? I loved you and trusted you. My innocence stolen My youth violated My childhood taken My mind confused As your hands discovered places I never knew I had As your lips opened mine To seek the warmth within My body betrays me What is this feeling? It feels good and it feels wrong. My silence is loud My tears are quietly unshed I am trapped in a deep abyss With no certain way out My voice screams And no one hears me My subliminal messages are powerful But no one feels them. I can't sleep at night My body is too alert Waiting for him to come in Touch me all over, do his dirt. This man of God HALLELUJAH, AMEN! Becomes the spawn of Satan Be careful, beware! Night cloaks his perverted actions And as the sun arises He's holy again. I began to hate this Jekyll and Hyde They become one. Good and bad Bad and good... The lines are unclear. My posture slumps, Clothes are oversized Trying to hide the woman I was becoming Maybe he would overlook me If he couldn't see The obvious The overt The ostentatious But for 2 years It did not work And I was left alone, My voice unheard My pain not seen. Writing, my therapy Diaries, my friends Dreams become nightmares Shadows move in the night They come to me Fondling my prepubescent ****** Kneading my undeveloped breasts. The silence is deafening. I want the morning to come My tears began to flow Along the side of the face And I look down at myself With the sadness of self-pity And wonder night after night After night after night after night Why me? Why did you hurt me? You were my daddy, Even though you weren't I loved you as the dad I never had. Your temporary pleasure Is my permanent torture And the distrust I have For all things male Certainly began with you, Congratulations, take a bow. Thank you for raping my innocence. Thank you for abusing my childhood. Thank you for tainting my spirit. Thank you for corrupting my womanhood. Thank you and God bless your perverted soul.