Viv Wigley Poet Light Verse

Putting You On Hold

For customer services please now press one
for other assistance press two
we value your custom and thank you for waiting
you're currently held in a queue.
Thank you for holding, our agents are busy
they'll get to you as soon as they can,
in the meantime you can start to spring clean your house
or go bake a cake or a flan.
Thank you for holding (that's if you're still with us)
our agents will deal with your trouble,
please don't rub your chin on the telephone mouthpiece
you're starting to grow bits of stubble.
Thank you for holding and don't grind your teeth
please try and remain fairly calm,
We know that you're listening for the thirty-ninth time
to a piano concerto by Brahms.
Thank you for holding, our staff are still busy
but value the custom from you,
our call centre system's currently showing
you're now eighty-fifth in the queue.
Thank you for holding, the centre's now closed
our working day's nine until five,
please phone during these ours and our agents will help you-
assuming that you're still alive.

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Bethany St John April 10, 2015 at 5:47 PM This one had me chuckling. A very accurate and humorous portrayal of those lovely recorded messages. Great write! Viv Wigley April 10, 2015 at 11:54 PM Thanks bethany- if we didn't laugh, we'd cry. Viv x

Elizabeth Wyler March 26, 2015 at 7:20 PM Great job expressing the frustration we all feel with unresponsive customer service automated menus. Viv Wigley March 27, 2015 at 2:19 AM Your comment will be answered shortly- you're currently eleventh in the queue :)

Funom Makama March 26, 2015 at 12:12 PM This is a well thought piece, showcasing the tender make up of your soul and the immense creativity, so rich in your mind. I so love this and thanks a lot for sharing.. Viv Wigley March 27, 2015 at 2:19 AM Thanks, Funom. Regards, Viv

Lindsay Laurie March 14, 2015 at 5:42 PM G'day Viv... Your poem can only be humorous if the content is happening to someone else. I found myself shouting at a recorded message recently. Perhaps you could send this enjoyable poem to companies that use this method of communication. Thank you Viv - Lindsay Viv Wigley March 15, 2015 at 2:22 AM Thanks Lindsay, we should start a campaign for real telephone receptionists. I keep a packed lunch by my phone for such instances as this. Window left ajar for bathroom breaks :)

Jan Allison March 14, 2015 at 7:50 AM Oh I hate those phone messages - they do not placate me just irritate - oh and the music Brahms lullaby -t send you to sleep as you are waiting so long or Greensleeves arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh - fabulous humour a 7 from me :-) Hugs Jan xx Jan Allison March 15, 2015 at 5:45 AM grrrrrr lol! :-) Hugs Jan xxx Viv Wigley March 15, 2015 at 2:23 AM Viv isn't here right now. To leave a message, press one. x

Peter Lewis Holmes March 14, 2015 at 4:01 AM So very true and personal Viv...terrific!...nice job...Peter Viv Wigley March 15, 2015 at 2:24 AM Thanks Peter, it's nice to get frustrations off one's chest in verse.

Njeri Hunjeri March 14, 2015 at 3:24 AM The last line had me laughing. You told the customer/putting you on hold story very well. We can all relate. Viv Wigley March 15, 2015 at 2:24 AM Thanks njeri. Bring back real people to talk to.