Push

A nudge 
A push
A shove
Seems like it’s all I know how to do

A wall once built so high crumbled down by your love
Now quickly re-erects and I crawl back to that safe haven
It’s a sanctuary I retreat to and hide behind when I am most vulnerable
I do not mean to push you away
My flaws
My insecurities
They sometimes get the better of me

Those are the times I need you most
When I push please don’t abandon me
Pull me into your embrace that is what I need
I know
I am complicated
An idiot you may call me
Pushing people away is the only way I know how to communicate the words
‘I need you now more than ever’
Please bear with me

I feel most and I care most
I do not push you away because I no longer need you
Sometimes I bear the burden just so you can find happiness
I love you enough to sacrifice my happiness for yours
To those who took their stand and found the will to stay even when I was unbearable
I am forever thankful
To those who left
I understand
I am sorry
Please do be happy….

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Richard Lamoureux

Date: 3/20/2020 3:35:00 PM

Yes, to look within is wise. God resides within our hearts and God is Love. Many search for love in the external realm and as a result may search a lifetime and never find its true manifestation.

Rercy Zola-Zaba
Date: 4/5/2020 8:24:00 AM

I couldnt agree more to that

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 3/13/2020 9:09:00 AM

A good step is to realize we are deserving of love. When one has been hurt it is natural to doubt another’s sincerity. I hope you find the one who sees beyond the insecurities. Once that happens you will learn so much about who you are.

Rercy Zola-Zaba
Date: 3/15/2020 12:58:00 PM

The authentic kind of love is all we need , the type of love that makes us believe in love, I think at times we are looking in the wrong places, I think the first place we have to look for love is in our own hearts , the love we give to ourselves might as well be the love that helps us find that authentic love in another. Thank you very much Richard ^_^

Kenisha Shines

Date: 3/7/2020 2:33:00 AM

Hope you have got what you wanted. Nicely penned,have a great day ! :)

Rercy Zola-Zaba
Date: 3/13/2020 5:18:00 AM

Thank you Kenisha!Have a lovely day too

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 3/4/2020 3:11:00 PM

this is so sweet. I hope you learn not to feel insecure so that you do not have the need to push anyone so loving away from you!

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 3/4/2020 3:11:00 PM

this is so sweet. I hope you learn not to feel insecure so that you do not have the need to push anyone so loving away from you!

Rercy Zola-Zaba
Date: 3/15/2020 12:50:00 PM

Thank you Andrea! We learn and unlearn things everyday to become better versions of us hopefully the process will be fruitful so when I look back I can see the progress !

Vickie Hurtt - Thayer

Date: 3/3/2020 1:13:00 PM

Nice pen, Percy.

Rercy Zola-Zaba
Date: 3/15/2020 12:46:00 PM

Greatly appreciated Vjckie!

Tom Cunningham

Date: 3/2/2020 8:03:00 PM

That's what we do when we feel insecure, build walls to protect ourselves. Tom

Rercy Zola-Zaba
Date: 3/3/2020 5:17:00 AM

I couldn't agree more.Thanks Tom!

John Watt

Date: 3/2/2020 5:27:00 PM

We are all complicated, and at times, unbearable. We build walls due to insecurities. Walls we know need to come down to invite long-term, committed love inside. We push when we most need a pull. We withdraw when we most need an embrace. Complicated, indeed. Well written, Rercy, from a place of vulnerability.

Rercy Zola-Zaba
Date: 3/3/2020 5:17:00 AM

True indeed John, if only things are as easy as movies at times make it to be >_< Much appreciated!