Punctuated in Time

Poet's Notes
(Show)
Imagine this poem as if it were a drama being performed on stage. I use metaphors extensively to illustrate the despair of growing old and being ignored .its almost a plea for longevity but the deaf and dumb only go about their silly chores. Its an outcry , an outrage about belonging. I make no apologies for my deviation by NOT producing a pure sonnet. Therefore I introduced a CODA starting with " with what shall I beseech you..." using a 5 line verse before it then reverts back to the sonnet form I hope that now more people can enjoy this constantly rewritten poem and that it clarifies the mud.Thank you for your long sufferance.

Become a Premium Member and post notes and photos about your poem like Jannie Breedt.


Cant lift my eyes beyond half past seven anymore
Nay! I do not wish to see...
Past hyphens and inverted commas
Lies and more catastrophe

Ambidextrous clock with appalling brevity
The second hand throws away society
Caught on the hook of an apostrophe
Hit and run humanity

With what shall I beseech thee?
Amix with soot and grime am I today
I painted me....!  I mascara'd me!
Not this... warpaint for smudges
A discard of society

Sunk in dank mediocrity
Left to dream on the periphery
Sacked and sold with all their niceties
And pensioned off into obscurity

Cascading through the fingers of our hands
Groans the running Namib sands
Camel plods along ignoring facts
Dali's clock is molten wax - a mystery

Certain as Terrabyte and Megabitten memory
Omits to call- forgets to visit me

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




Post Comments
Please Login to post a comment
Date: 9/18/2017 3:32:00 PM
Here again to revisit this poem. I have been thinking about revenge, rebellion and out right war. This appalling situation must stop. All that life experience going to waste.
Login to Reply
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 9/18/2017 10:43:00 PM
Its against Gods commandments the way the off spring trudges headlong into the abyss like sheep.I loved it when you came back. I was different : i esteemed my grandparents so much and stuck to my mother until her last breath. I learnt wonderful stuff.
Date: 9/5/2017 11:29:00 AM
We no longer hold our elders in great esteem. Instead they are warehoused in institutions that are concerned with profit and bad smells. As long as the place smells clean and they are raking in the profits no one cares about the elders. Especially the families who salve their conscience with the monthly stipend. Please forgive my outburst.
Login to Reply
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 9/8/2017 4:37:00 AM
I was hoping you would read on and to my delight you did. Only:how can I forgive your outburst when it joins in my own mutiny against this phenonemon. Shout louder!!!
Date: 11/26/2016 7:36:00 PM
Read the poem 3 times, the comments below, once. First, this is beyond deep - a poem for thinkers, feelers - which poets are, ideally. There are times on Soup when my mind is tired and I wouldn't be able to navigate such 'heaviness.' YOU said this needs a rewrite and maybe so, but more of just a tightening because it is good, complex and talent is definitely the thread that wove each line. (I've missed ya) ... CayCay
Login to Reply
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 12/18/2016 4:56:00 AM
I was overloaded with passion and i missed all the people that left me here . Are you familiar with Dali's paintings? Go have a look see. I had to go deep to where it hurts. Sorry for making you work.
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 12/18/2016 4:52:00 AM
I was overloaded with passion and i missed all the people that left me here . Are you familiar with Dali's paintings? Go have a look see. I had to go deep to where it hurts. Sorry for making you work.
Date: 11/21/2016 10:06:00 AM
Enjoyed this write I think first time reading you. Very interesting thoughts provoked with this read. btw did you mean punctuated?
Login to Reply
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/21/2016 11:59:00 AM
Omg John. How could I miss that. Thanks for the visit and the nice comment
Date: 11/17/2016 1:09:00 AM
Hot dang! I finally fixed that niggle by adding that last line. Now I am happy
Login to Reply
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/17/2016 7:58:00 AM
My new dislexic friend how are you. Gratitude that you came back to look up on this ADHD plumber with a crack at the back He he
MURRAY Avatar
JEAN MURRAY
Date: 11/17/2016 4:17:00 AM
That is better. Being a little dyslexic, I have lots of trouble with hyphens and commas myself.
Date: 11/16/2016 5:22:00 AM
I thought you said you were a plumber? Are you also a chimney sweep? Whatever you use your hands for, your mind is cetrainly in fine fettle. A deep disturbing poem. Well done.
Login to Reply
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/16/2016 9:32:00 AM
Ha ha ha Jean you are a real sneak. You caught me in the act. What a delight . Thank you
Date: 11/16/2016 12:05:00 AM
So happy I stopped by and read this extraordinary piece. I love it :) It's a fav.
Login to Reply
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/16/2016 4:44:00 AM
Thanks Carol. Then it was worth wrestling with this work. Thank you for coming back again. ??
Date: 11/15/2016 12:48:00 AM
I apologise to Carol and 80 people who read the poem CONCESSION.I completely rewrote the entire poem and also renamed it. It was a very difficuclt task but I am more satisfied now -sort of.... there is still a. Slight niggle which I may still correct
Login to Reply
Date: 11/9/2016 6:54:00 PM
I so enjoy your writes. I feel the sadness throughout this piece. I applaud your writing and creativity :)
Login to Reply
Breedt Avatar
Jannie Breedt
Date: 11/10/2016 10:51:00 AM
Hi Carol. Thank you for visiting me again. This poem is begging for a rewrite. Coming soon