Promise To Die
I always knew she’d be gone one day soon…
Drunken nights with my heart in complete apprehension waiting for yet, one more tragic phone call. NIGHT ONE. Ring. Ring. Ring. You tried to slit your wrists, and who was there at your beckon call. No one else except…me. NIGHT TWO. Ring. Ring. Ring. The car accident where you flipped your car. Drunk driving became a nightly routine. To jail you went and I was left up all night wondering if you were okay without your medication. NIGHT THREE. The day that you made the promise. “I’ll never do that again. I promise, I don’t want to die anymore! I want to live and see Ella grow up and get married.” Exact words straight from your lips. So, I was left with a promise made with good faith. I knew deep down that it would be broken…
Fear of your weakness prevailing became a permanent fixture in my drowning life. You wished for more freedom after you left the hospital, so we decided you may be ready to spread your wings, but only a little bit at a time. “Goodbye. I love you. I’ll call you when I’m ready to come home.”
NIGHT ONE. No ring. I knew instantly that you were gone. It had finally happened. You had decided to take your life once and for all. No one believed me though. They all thought you ran away to be alone and drown yourself in alcohol with self-pity and guilt. NIGHT TWO. Still no ring. It became much clearer you were not coming home at all. NIGHT THREE. Not one single ring. I would pick up the phone and check to see if I could hear your voice. Nothing but a dial tone. I would check your voicemail just so I wouldn’t forget the way you talked, the way you sounded when saying “hello, this Karen. I am not here, please leave a message.” How true to life. You were not there, and never would be again.
That promise was made December 30, 2010 at exactly 10:17 pm at night. Less than twenty-four hours later, that promise was completed shattered into a million pieces. I guess God needed another angel up above. Now whenever the phone rings past 9:00 pm, I cringe in fear. I pray that everyone I love is safe and free from harm. GOD BLESS YOU KAREN. May you be in the comfort of the Lord’s loving arms.
Form P
For sponsor, Broken Wings
May 22, 2017
Copyright © Lu Loo | Year Posted 2017
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