Press Release

A listing of the fires and all the survivors will be provided Names of the dead are written on broken cobblestones at the bottom of the river The sheet music is in the morgue - reconstruction of the falafel carts will commence at dawn The Liability Brigade will hunt down the marauding gang of investors and bring them before a Grand Jury Bones of smoke will be lined up for identification by family members directly after the Eulogy of the Clouds The Commissioner will be available on Facebook from noon until dinner time - food and clothing for orphans, The infirm, and the elderly will be top priority - memories will be given temporary shelter - forensic echoes and screams Will not be available for questioning information packets will be redacted and distributed by EOB today - a sweet and savage grace Will be bestowed upon us all - alternate sides of the street parking rules are in effect and once the Mayor has given his statement The sewers of the city will open and the charred remains of the bodies will rise - catered lunches will be delayed indefinitely Any miracles to be performed must register with the Comptroller’s Office no later than 5:00 pm Tuesday Racist, bigots, misogynists, stuttering CEOs, CIOs, CFOs, CTOs, fund managers and all the pin-striped pimps on Wall Street Will be summarily disgorged before the first Hour of Amazement begins quarantined on the peaks of the highest mountains If you have signs or symptoms of any of the following: low blood pressure high blood pressure dizziness nausea palm sweats seizures lesions nightmares of crossed and bloodied bayonets basal cell carcinomas panic attacks dry or itchy skin nose sores reverberating vibrations of V-2 rockets tinnitus oozing pustules non-oozing pustules bleeding gums visions of bodies floating in Mekong rice paddies irregular heartbeat aphids in the ears shortness of breath memories of IEDs on the sweaty road to Kabul spider veins clogged arteries or the realization more and more as time goes by that Reason and Logic no longer exist please see a physician or magician at once There will be a brief Q&A with the Kings County ADA regarding the NYPD SOP for officers shooting unarmed civilians Any rumor or report or any anecdote suggesting self-preservation over citizen protection will be ridiculed accordingly All heroin and meth addicts will report to the New York Times for assignments and the taking of identification photographs Lastly please remember to keep an open heart and mind when the winter solstice hits the heavens The warmth you create will flood the inviolable void behind the sun - where a New Enlightenment is being born Thank you.