Press '1' For English
I grew a beard
while waiting for you
it looks more and more
like I'll never get through
My left ear was aching
I switched to my right
This perpetual holding
has no end in sight
I wish I'd have noticed
before such great cost
that your phone number spells out
800-GET-LOST
Though I pressed '1' for English
I am thinking now
pressing '12' for Braille
might work better somehow
My friends have all passed on
my children have grown
while I have been sitting here
holding this phone
Your toll-free number
is anything but
with pulse-pounding migraine
and a pain in my butt
Yes, I was clean shaven
when this number I called
but now I'm all wrinkled
and dammit I'm bald!
My bones they will find
still sitting right here
the telephone clenched
where once was my ear
And your endless recording
monotonous, dull
will be amplified through
my cold empty skull
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