Post-Choosing Life

First things first you have to understand the last time I opened up, I left feeling burnt. I have let my secrets surround and protect me; I have let its vines grow into thick foliage. I could peer between the leaves and still feel like I remain in your same world. Four years ago, I had many tactics and relentlessly tried them all. I have tried to escape this plane in hopes to escape myself. The moment of dealing and processing I have found does not occur in a wonderful symbiotic nature. I struggle to process what I am now. I have danced with my demons, and seduced the devil twice, what does that say about who I am? I used to live in a fear of jumping into dark waters with an unknown depth, but after walking in the darkest nights far along the abyss I wrestle living with the knowledge of knowing the height of it all, and the depth of the fall. I don't know for how much longer I can keep pretending I'm safe in these waters.