Jan Allison Poet Limerick

Position Impossible Ii - Collaboration With Tom Cunningham - Bawdy Warning

Aunt Ethel said to Uncle Fred,
Let’s attempt the starfish in bed,
Old Ethel insisted,
Till Fred’s back got twisted,
They best stick to sleeping instead!

Original poem by Jan Allison

Fred couldn't stand and was writhing in pain
Ethel was mad and looked on with disdain
So he took a blue pill
Then went in for the kill
And now performs like a stallion again...

But the blue pills power started to wane
As Ethel begged him to do it again
But things came to a stop
Poor Fred started to flop
So they gave up and cracked open champagne...

Then Ethel got hold of a book
Fred fainted when he had a look
Twas the 'calmer suture'
Some poses may suit her
But Fred said it made him feel crook

Aunt Ethel said Freddie my dear
You truly have nothing to fear
Cos tonight’s the night
Much to my delight
We’re swinging from the chandelier!

Old Fred said I don’t understand
Your desire’s got right out of hand
If you want so much sex
Go next door and see Rex
He’s the randiest guy in the land
	
Aunt Ethel said you’re being silly
At aged ninety I’m no young filly
I still want to have sex
With you and not Rex
Cos Rexie’s got a tiny Willy!

The champers made Ethel quite woozy
Fred’s shattered so he had a snoozey
They were awoken at four
T'was Rex from next door
No thank you said Ethel I'm no floozy...

Collaboration with Tom Cunningham

06/02/21

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Heidi Sands June 5, 2021 at 4:34 AM Congratulations to the both of you. These are funny lol. :)

Jack Horne June 4, 2021 at 1:21 PM LOL, great work, you two - I've just written about the calmer suture too, LOL

Suzanne Delaney June 4, 2021 at 9:13 AM HA HA Jan: I had to blow on my screen to cool it down. LOL. You guys are having too much fun. Hugz, SuZ

Indiana Shaw June 3, 2021 at 4:26 PM Calmer Suture, ha ha ha, nothing calm there . . . ; )

Beryl Edmonds June 3, 2021 at 4:12 PM Rex said I know you are no floozy - But last week when we had a boozy - We both had a ball - Seven times in all - And you said any day bar Sunday… Belle

Rico Leffanta June 3, 2021 at 11:55 AM Well done! Some very witty lines and rhymes! Aloha! Rico Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 12:20 PM There is more to be added lol:-) hugs jan xx

Kenneth Cheney June 3, 2021 at 6:31 AM Hilarious. Great limerick. Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 8:40 AM Thanks Kenneth it was such fun to write with Tom:-) hugs Jan xx

Kim Rodrigues June 3, 2021 at 5:27 AM Awesome write! Is this Fred and Ethel Mertz. LOL Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 8:40 AM no lol i just chose names of 2 elderly people I wasn't aware of the I love Lucy connection as it isn't a series I am familiar with:-) hugs Jan xx

Mark Koplin June 3, 2021 at 5:11 AM Awesome job you two! Thanks for the smiles and laughs. Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 5:17 AM I think there will be more to come from fred and Ethel.. watch this space lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Terry Flood June 3, 2021 at 1:37 AM I read somewhere online that Poetry Soup was becoming more hi-brow... that’s the trouble with the internet... its full of lies... damned lies! Ha ha it’s a limerick pandemic: hope there’s no vaccine. Terry Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 2:08 AM ha ha ha yes Limierickitis is infectious and thankfully there is no known cure:-) hugs Jan xx

Lindsay Laurie June 2, 2021 at 10:47 PM Hello Jan & Tom … a dangerous pair of writers when you get together. Naturally I got a good giggle out of your collaboration - thank you both - Lindsay Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 2:07 AM thanks Lindsay it was such fun and I am so grateful to Tom for suggesting it, been a tough couple of days for me so i needed that boost of giggles:-) hugs jan xx

L Milton Hankins June 2, 2021 at 9:11 PM Oh, wow, what a fantastic collaboration. The story is hilarious, the rhymes are delightful, and it's a bundle of laughs from the beginning to the end! Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 2:06 AM Thanks Milton, we had a ball writing this lol:-) hugs Jan

Beryl Edmonds June 2, 2021 at 7:36 PM A fantastic collaboration Jan and Tom… This might come over as rather silly - How did she know Rex had a small willy - Had Ethel played around - While Fred was out of town - Was the condition of the room chilly?… Belle Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 2:05 AM ah ha Belle that's exactly what we wanted you to think just how did she know... but i think calling him Rexie means they have have been bedroom buddies in the past lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Susan Ashley June 2, 2021 at 6:32 PM Dear Jan and Tom, your collaboration is a vivid silly fantastic delight! Had me giggling all the way through. Such bawdy fun! Wonderful collaborating from two of the best limerick masters on PS. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan Jan Allison June 3, 2021 at 2:04 AM Thanks Susan, I am so delighted Tom suggested it, he has become a great limerick writer indeed:-) hugs Jan xx

David Kavanagh June 2, 2021 at 4:30 PM What can I say Jan, keep it fresh, keep it young, Ethel and Fred are no prudes, and neither are their creators, collaboration and experimentation and oh yeah medication are fine recipes for a healthy relationship, loved the wit and banter, cheers David Jan Allison June 2, 2021 at 4:51 PM Thanks David I've not been around much the last few days with family things to deal with, am so glad Tom suggested we extend my original poem :-) hugs Jan xx

Robert Pettit June 2, 2021 at 2:57 PM They say two heads are better than one. This is an impressive collaboration. Jan Allison June 2, 2021 at 3:00 PM Thanks Robert it was such fun to continue the story of Ethel and fred:-) hugs Jan x

Tom Cunningham June 2, 2021 at 2:54 PM Brilliant Jan, hope we're not sailing too close to the wind lol. Tom Jan Allison June 2, 2021 at 3:00 PM lol Tom I sail very close to wind with my farty poems and it was a joy to collaborate with you thanks for suggesting it:-) hugs Jan xx

Christuraj Alex June 2, 2021 at 2:43 PM I really like your writings. This one is beautiful. Jan Allison June 2, 2021 at 2:52 PM Thanks Christuraj i was so delighted Tom suggested we made my original poem into a collaboration:-) hugs Jan xx