Pointlessness

what happened to me why is my head in my hands for hours on the floor im not crying tears of boredom the song rolls the song rolls couldnt see this happening to me but here we go again whats happening to me my head on the floor all day again my hands on my head caving in again not sure if im giving up not sure if im caring at all what am i supposed to do i think they won won what not sure what i lost this was before my broken nose before i was kicked out of the churches castle i dont want to be me im not sure im even an active participant in my own life do i need to be here do you even need me here i dont even make noise just drive the nails you give me in my own coffin until this way the wickedness comes my hands in the air never made it stop the screaming of false accusations your sing alongs of my paranoias i dont understand why im here to learn from my loneliness the lesson of me as one and you as them being seperate from we yet you are we to one anothere seperate from me i wish i could be replaced suppressed by this higher being tormenting me inside and out is this his only pleasure is it a girl does it even matter will it ever be over am i glad to be a monument of what forever feels like so i can tell the difference when its taken away i obviously dont matter head on the floor memories of the beatings memories of name callings memories of loneliness cant do anything right can't wait to die just want to die my way tired of your game whoever you are make me want something almost achieve it everyone else gets it easy then its taken from my view and i forget about it to be left with nothing to sit on the floor crying counting my possesions in my head badges of pain never saw this coming dreams for you to take away and you live through them rub them in my face too ashamed to fight for them what a waste waste of everything probably let you down probably the only thing you could bank on is that i would fail just sit here and complain make up my own truth through the confusion and then feel guilty for being wrong wait for the punishment for being me and then hope to die and never have control over my own fate tell myself this is my destiny all day minutes to hours the sun falls darkness i get up go to bed don't know why i spent all day all day with my head on the floor giving up head in my hands on the floor