Please Do Not Disturb

On a sunny morning in September 1984 My mom’s best friend Linda drove to the grocery store With her four-year-old daughter Becky in tow Listening to the radio, Becky amused herself in the back seat, looking out the window, And it crossed Linda’s mind that Becky’s safety belt was perhaps not fastened For Becky’s father was overly relaxed about making her wear it, but Linda wouldn’t have it. So she looked back to check it And in that one second She drove under an industrial truck that had suddenly stopped in her path, And neither of them came back. I think of this story sometimes as I drive to the store; it reminds me to never look down nor back But I sometimes wished I’d learned it myself instead, even if I as the one under a sheet by the road that nobody can see what’s beneath it, but they know. Today I was thinking of this but was momentarily distracted when I heard the radio play this song: “Sittin’ in the morning sun; I’ll be sittin’ when the evening comes . . .” “I like that song,” I thought, and I started singing along, When the National Public Radio broadcast interrupted to inform me That Otis Redding died in a plane crash two days after recording this At the age of twenty-six So I turned it off and thought, “Thanks, NPR, for ruining another thing for me! Couldn’t you have another broadcast about transgender bears in Finland whose misery won’t impact me so immediately?” Geez! How do you tell a four-year-old her friend is dead? I don’t recall what was said, but I knew right then that my end, too, could be soon. How do you tell a four-year-old her friend is dead? I would make no friends for many years ahead. I knew it when my mom picked up the phone In her response the message was known. I was partially deaf from an untreated ear infection And this was the first thing I heard with clear perfection. When I got to the store I was making that face people tell me not to make Lest it freeze that way. But I don’t care. Sometimes I wish I had a sign tacked on my back saying, “Do not disturb! Be aware! I’m already as disturbed as I can stand! And further disturbance is grounds for attack!” But I probably don’t need it, Although I keep distant and never make eye contact, they can see it Sometimes the strongest messages are indirect Like a sheet by the road, a message unsaid No need to say it We all know the answer is posted on no sign nor in the paper But for what it’s worth I’ll say if you see me Please do not disturb – I’m too disturbed already!