Pie Anyone

Don’t often see him 7/8 asleep But I’m sometimes surprised Brushing my feet Purring and arching And pushing up high Ecstasy shows in a half closed eye Black white and furry Real smooth to the touch But not really keen on fussing that much So soft and cuddly you fail to remember He has in his mind a deadly agenda Hey human, scratch me here, scratch me there You only think that you’re covered in hair You feed me Iams and think I’m so nice But I really prefer the heads of live mice The warden of the garden on constant patrols Listening for sounds like the digging of moles One eyes the ground the other the sky Watching and waiting for things that might fly For this week I have but one major goal To tear that magpie another arsehole He goes for me when he can, him and his mate One will tease me from my lair the other lies in wait They got me in a tree one day I was hanging off one paw Down came the magpie crow, I couldn’t hold on much more One quick peck and I let go Bloody hard that beak you know Hit a few branches way below Crash -landed on the floor I’ll get some food, maybe a nap and Lick my paw like nothing has happened I’ll strut and swagger and act so sublime Knowing that pie is on borrowed time I go out at night while they aren’t around Scout around and find some new ground Under a bush I make a new lair Lie in wait for my friend of the air I eat a few moths spend a night on the tiles And maybe I’ll doze for a time Aha they’re near you can hear them for miles If he lands up close he’s mine Hello Jake you look all smug After your night on the town You had better get on to your rug And have a good lie down Dream a dream of shredded bird Dying all a quiver Bet you didn’t expect me To be chewing on your liver Sorry about the garden mess Hope it doesn’t make you queasy We had a tear up I must confess And he came apart real easy - this is a poem by my dad about our pet cat "jakey"