Pi(E) Day Sestina Part 1

Pi (e) Day Sestina being the recollection of a conversation between myself as I was trying to enjoy a piece of pie and my suddenly irrational, demanding, and surprisingly bilingual stomach on 3/14 I really want a frosted sugar cookie right now. Now, don’t think I’m loca but if you don’t get me one I’m going to get Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick you in the face. His lust y pectorals: tan, hairy and torsional, will be but a blur in your memory. Never underestimate the power of the one who can even make pi a rational number. Oh irrational love of sugar cookies! I can almost taste the sweet buttery goodness of the frost ing melting in my mouth like the frost y ice crystals busy changing states of matter now on top of the piece of pie hastily served to you before properly thawed at the loca l diner, piled high with enough fake whipped cream to satiate even the lust iest of appetites. “Who would chuck, even if they could chuck, would chuck away such a flawless embodiment of pre-prepared, packaged, processed, passed off as home-cooked goodness in favor of a stale cookie, and on Pi(e) Day nonetheless?” you chuck le. That snide remark is deserving of the bestowal of my best Queen Frost ine stare, you know, cold and queenly and vaguely reminiscent of the Candyland character with the same name, whose (il)lust riousness is matched solely (not only in beauty but also in sugar content) by that of a frosted sugar cookie. I hope you (k)now how to take a hint. No? Well, then get that pie-filled fork out of my face while I spell it out for you. Loca te a frosted sugar cookie for me pronto! This piece of pie disgusts me! I don’t care that it’s pi day! You’ve got 3.14 seconds to get me a frosted sugar cookie before I up-chuck all over everything in this immediate loca le! Don’t make me get all Frost y the snowman on you now and have a meltdown! Wow, I need to stop and take a deep breath. I’m making myself extremely (f)lust