Personal Hell

Personal Hell For a while there I couldn’t breathe, It was as if the life in me was being sucked out. All that shouting, all that yelling, Had my whole system spinning. Oh! The confusion, sadness, misery, sorrow. The pain and depression. The unseen wounds and scars. Was barely noticed by the targets. When will all this end?, I screamed. Believe me, it was my everyday theme. That day was the extreme. A repeated nightmare in my dreams. But yeah, I was unseen and unheard as usual. Oh! how I wished it was my funeral. What do you get from this mother? Why do you let this happen father? The needless battles between them, All brought about by booze and blems. Oh! What liquor does to these poor souls. Turns them into beasts with no control. Have they no idea of the results of their actions? Have they no idea of the decaying future of these infants? At that point, it was too late and hopeless. Little Josh and John will have a story to tell just like me. They lived in their own world and so did we Two separate worlds, drugs and fantasies. Fantasies, hopes and dreams was all we had. Dreams that would never come to fact since our childhood was already scarred. Poor us!. How does a plant bare good fruits without no proper tending and care at it’s early stages? The anxiety, the fear, the stress. Turns my whole world into a mess. But not you, you calm my soul. You give me relief and make me bold. Minutes after that inhalation Alas! That feeling, the lightheadedness, the peace. Like a potion. Many say you bring destruction, but all I feel is ecstasy. Dear Xanax, You make me forget, you help me cope. I have no regrets cause you give me hope. After every mess, you call my soul. A call of bliss, who am I to say no. 1.8 decades of numbness, of darkness. Enough is enough, just one sniff and you could end it all, whispered Xanax. Oh John and Josh, what would ye do without thou. It could be better I thought I could be happier if I fought A decision to live with the scars of my memories. A decision to cross the Jordan. Oh the choices. What would it be? What would it be? I asked and still asking…… _by Michelle.B.G_