Passion

As I quietly watched you I was so envious But at the same time I was also afraid That I would never Feel the passion with which you so ravenously recited those words in that "Shakespeare" poem I kept asking myself "Have I ever felt that?" "Have I ever been that passionate about anything?" I was so jealous of you The "excitedness" in your voice I tried to imagine a time-anytime in my life That my "passion" for anyone or anything Was rawly noticeable Not only to others But also to myself Maybe? That is all I can answer "truthfully" Because I honestly cannot remember such a time Was it High School? College? When I fell so deeply in love? When I became a "Wife" When I became a "Mother", three different times? Or was it the moment I entered this world from my "mothers" warm & nurturing womb And not only became a "Daughter" But also a person? I took my first breathe Screamed from the top of my lungs Although I cannot remember I believe that I felt a "kind" of passion for life itself Especially at just 2 weeks of being My tiny, frail body fought through the fluid filling my lungs with "Double pneumonia" I believe I fought "hard" Hard to "LIVE" With my mother by my side Just outside the steam tent that forcefully pushed medication through to my little lungs her scared hands resting on my back to make sure I hadn't given up Now as I look back I know that I have felt it It has just been such a long, long time The black cloud that has been hovering over my life Has smothered out my good memories It has shielded my thoughts to only the bad So I will pray I will pray so hard to God to give me the strength to overcome this pain in my body, the sadness in my heart To help me throw some color into this black cloud Please send a "rainbow", to crush the blackness, a brightly lit sun to smash it to the ground All so I can find enough "Inner Strength" to feel again To feel the "PASSION" for "LIFE" That I believe I once felt As I desperately try to find a reason to be happy and to "LIVE PASSIONATELY"...again