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Personal Note:
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Poem
As I quietly watched you
I was so envious 
But at the same time 
I was also afraid
That I would never 
Feel the passion with which
you so ravenously recited those words
in that "Shakespeare" poem

I kept asking myself
"Have I ever felt that?"
"Have I ever been that passionate 
about anything?"
I was so jealous of you
The "excitedness" in your voice

I tried to imagine
a time-anytime in my life
That my "passion" for anyone 
or anything
Was rawly noticeable
Not only to others
But also to myself

Maybe?
That is all I can answer
"truthfully"
Because I honestly cannot remember
such a time
Was it High School?
College?
When I fell so deeply in love?
When I became a "Wife"
When I became a "Mother", three
different times?

Or was it the moment I entered this world 
from my "mothers" warm & nurturing womb
And not only became a "Daughter"
But also a person?
I took my first breathe
Screamed from the top of my lungs
Although I cannot remember
I believe that I felt a "kind"
of passion for life itself

Especially at just 2 weeks of 
being
My tiny, frail body fought 
through the fluid filling my lungs
with "Double pneumonia"
I believe I fought "hard"
Hard to "LIVE"
With my mother by my side 
Just outside the steam tent that 
forcefully pushed medication through 
to my little lungs
her scared hands resting on my back
to make sure I hadn't given up

Now as I look back
I know that I have felt it
It has just been such a long, 
long time
The black cloud that has been hovering 
over my life
Has smothered out my good memories
It has shielded my thoughts
to only the bad

So I will pray
I will pray so hard to God
to give me the strength to overcome
this pain in my body, the sadness 
in my heart
To help me throw some color into
this black cloud
Please send a "rainbow", to crush
the blackness,
a brightly lit sun to smash it to the ground 
All so I can find enough
"Inner Strength" to feel again
To feel the "PASSION" for "LIFE"
That I believe I once felt 
As I desperately try to find a
reason to be happy and to "LIVE PASSIONATELY"...again
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