Paralyzed

How has it come to this? I lost myself holding on to the girl who didn't want me by her side My love wasn't enough to fulfil her wish She broke me and now I'm paralyzed I'm numb, but I remember when the pain struck My eyes see everything my heart wishes to hide I'm trying to write a new chapter in the same book I've forgot how to smile and I've never known how to cry So many fake smiles, I'm not sure if I have a real one The more I was mistreated, my heart turned colder Wishing I could feel happiness, but I'm still numb Sitting and wishing I wasn't Bipolar Slept with many girls, but I refuse to give them another call they were just used to make my coldest nights better I have such a big protective wall That my heart won't ever allow us to spend more than one night together She left but the memories stay Deleted her number, but I can't erase the history Thinking of the words I don't have the energy to say I'm trying to stand up to all of the pain that sits with me How has it come to this? I lost myself holding on to the girl who didn't want me by her side My love wasn't enough to fulfil her wish She broke me and now I'm paralyzed