Get Your Premium Membership

Panic Disorder

I can’t make it, I can’t make it I’m dying without any of my loved ones around me Becky can you drive any faster Hit the gas already My chest is caving in, I feel like I can’t breathe I open the car door and stand up I am weak and feel unstable; I make it to the door of the Victoria Grace hospital I have to go in alone I’m scared; I’m suffering alone because Becky isn’t allowed in due to Covid A lady takes me to the emerge waiting area There I sit in my own little bubble with plexiglass surrounding me I’m called up to the front for an evaluation I begin to cry; I tried to hold back tears, but I no longer ccan The nurse takes my blood pressure asks me the basics Then I go back; I wait alone My phone is almost dead, I no longer will have anything to distract me I anxiously text my mom asking if she’s on her way She is but she’s still a half an hour away I feel alone; I feel terrified All these sick people around me with Covid symptoms I put another mask on top of the one I already have and begin to hyperventilate I am shaking; my chest hurts; and I am in excruciating pain Tears are falling down my face, but no one comes to help me; to ask if I’m okay My mother finally gets there; I feel a sense of relief We wait for hours and hours, I am pushed to the back of the emerge waitlist I start to cry because I am in so much physical pain, I feel my chest clenching and extreme pain After 8 hours, I am finally seen by the doctor at 1:30 am He does a quick assessment and tells me that I have Costochondritis; tissue inflammation Just like what the doctor at the walk in told me My gut told me it was something else; but at this point my parents thought I was going crazy For a month, I was told it was costochondritis I went to physio, and was questioned why I was so jittery and worried all the time As time went on, the chest pain got worse, and I felt more and more miserable One night my mom realized it; This seems like a panic attack she said during a flare up Sure enough, a few days later I went to the doctor and she was right What I was told was costochondritis before, was really pain brought along with panic attacks After three months, I was finally properly diagnosed with Panic Disorder

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 5/7/2021 9:06:00 PM
I feel your pain, Charlotte. I was diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder over 20 years ago. Before being diagnosed, I thought I was having a heart attack and then I thought I was going crazy. It was a relief to get a diagnosis! Everything you wrote I have felt, except about the Covid isolation part. Blessings, Kim M
Login to Reply
Fury Avatar
Charlotte Fury
Date: 5/27/2021 2:50:00 PM
I am sorry to hear that you went through that, Kim. Mental illnesses can be a hard battle.You are strong for overcoming what you did. Thank you for taking the time to read my poem, take care.