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Panic Disorder

I can’t make it, I can’t make it I’m dying without any of my loved ones around me Becky can you drive any faster Hit the gas already My chest is caving in, I feel like I can’t breathe I open the car door and stand up I am weak and feel unstable; I make it to the door of the Victoria Grace hospital I have to go in alone I’m scared; I’m suffering alone because Becky isn’t allowed in due to Covid A lady takes me to the emerge waiting area There I sit in my own little bubble with plexiglass surrounding me I’m called up to the front for an evaluation I begin to cry; I tried to hold back tears, but I no longer ccan The nurse takes my blood pressure asks me the basics Then I go back; I wait alone My phone is almost dead, I no longer will have anything to distract me I anxiously text my mom asking if she’s on her way She is but she’s still a half an hour away I feel alone; I feel terrified All these sick people around me with Covid symptoms I put another mask on top of the one I already have and begin to hyperventilate I am shaking; my chest hurts; and I am in excruciating pain Tears are falling down my face, but no one comes to help me; to ask if I’m okay My mother finally gets there; I feel a sense of relief We wait for hours and hours, I am pushed to the back of the emerge waitlist I start to cry because I am in so much physical pain, I feel my chest clenching and extreme pain After 8 hours, I am finally seen by the doctor at 1:30 am He does a quick assessment and tells me that I have Costochondritis; tissue inflammation Just like what the doctor at the walk in told me My gut told me it was something else; but at this point my parents thought I was going crazy For a month, I was told it was costochondritis I went to physio, and was questioned why I was so jittery and worried all the time As time went on, the chest pain got worse, and I felt more and more miserable One night my mom realized it; This seems like a panic attack she said during a flare up Sure enough, a few days later I went to the doctor and she was right What I was told was costochondritis before, was really pain brought along with panic attacks After three months, I was finally properly diagnosed with Panic Disorder

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021




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Date: 5/7/2021 9:06:00 PM
I feel your pain, Charlotte. I was diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder over 20 years ago. Before being diagnosed, I thought I was having a heart attack and then I thought I was going crazy. It was a relief to get a diagnosis! Everything you wrote I have felt, except about the Covid isolation part. Blessings, Kim M
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Charlotte Fury
Date: 5/27/2021 2:50:00 PM
I am sorry to hear that you went through that, Kim. Mental illnesses can be a hard battle.You are strong for overcoming what you did. Thank you for taking the time to read my poem, take care.