Pain Is How You Loved Me

i sit in the silence of my heart wondering when the pain will go away.i gave up on love bacause you took it all away.when i laid bleeding you looked me in my eyes and said"stop crying you brat"that was the way you loved me. when i was limping from beatings and covered in bruises you made me feel beautiful thats how sick you are.when my head was cut from one side to the other you told me i was not your mother."dugh'if i was you'd be in the jail.thats the way you loved me. like a frail litte girl i looked up to you like my father but you constantly reminded me i was nothing but in the way.when i beacme into a woman you made me feel dirty that was the way you loved me.at times in our life you compared me to a wife just not yours. i grew up in your eyes living through your lies but behind the closed doors i cried that you would just love me. you'd humilate me in front of your friends telling me im a waste of breath making me strip naked just to see what faith i had left.you wrapped those hands around me and chocked the life out of me as i took that final breath you'd laugh and bring me back. i used to pray to God to let me die it was easier than being alive sleeping with one eye open hands balled in a fist.i could never fight back cause you'd lay me on my back,i never had time to grieve. i guess the final blow was when you threw me down the stairs split my head open and laughed and stared.tears stopped falling and my love started dying but i never thought id live without you. i had to look at life from a different view and that didnt include you God told me what to do now im living without you and i can sleep!and thats how much i love you.