Pain Is How You Loved Me

i sit in the silence of my heart wondering when the pain will go away.i gave up on love 
bacause you took it all away.when i laid bleeding you looked me in my eyes and said"stop 
crying you brat"that was the way you loved me.
when i was limping from beatings and covered in bruises you made me feel beautiful thats 
how sick you are.when my head was cut from one side to the other you told me i was not 
your mother."dugh'if i was you'd be in the jail.thats the way you loved me.
like a frail litte girl i looked up to you like my father but you constantly reminded me i was 
nothing but in the way.when i beacme into a woman you made me feel dirty that was the 
way you loved me.at times in our life you compared me to a wife just not yours.
i grew up in your eyes living through your lies but behind the closed doors i cried that you 
would just love me.
you'd humilate me in front of your friends telling me im a waste of breath making me strip 
naked just to see what faith i had left.you wrapped those hands around me and chocked the 
life out of me as i took that final breath you'd laugh and bring me back.
i used to pray to God to let me die it was easier than being alive sleeping with one eye open 
hands balled in a fist.i could never fight back cause you'd lay me on my back,i never had time 
to grieve.
i guess the final blow was when you threw me down the stairs split my head open and 
laughed and stared.tears stopped falling and my love started dying but i never thought id live 
without you.
i had to look at life from a different view and that didnt include you God told me what to do 
now im living without you and i can sleep!and thats how much i love you.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2009

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Williams Avatar
May 25, 2009 at 6:40 AM
Brandy... this was heart wrenching to read, and painful. I admire your courage and your honesty in posting it..... many, many respects... nothing more honourable and honour-worthy, than a person taking control of their own life, after such brutality, still standing up and being proud..... I should imagine that there is a great wealth of you, in anyone who knows you.
Thomer Avatar
May 9, 2009 at 6:22 PM
this was so heart breaking, but holds so much beauty. your truth is awe inspiring, and i wish you all the best. a beautiful piece. thanks so much for the comments and soupmail. with love madison
Shango Avatar
May 6, 2009 at 5:23 PM
Love should only bring us joy ... see how theoretical the world can get ... perhaps I need a lullaby ... to sing for you ... here you will always be safe.
Orozco Avatar
May 6, 2009 at 4:34 PM
Oh my your work has so much pain with in. I shall write a pretty poem that you may rejoice in! I left you a spuomail =)- jeremiah
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