One Last Goodbye

I keep trying to tell myself That I can handle this That being around you has gotten easier I can smile and I can laugh I can even make jokes and cut up too I can be strong or so it seems Whenever you come around I can fake all these things Even pretend all is okay Being around you was once the hard part But if you only really ever knew The pain I hide deep inside Or the tears that fall when no one's around I don’t want to lose you completely This is my way of still holding on The time I get with you is usually pretty short And once you're gone I hurt and cry for twice as long And yet I still wanna keep you around I put myself thru all this pain Knowing that in the end You'll never be mine again I know I've got to put a stop to this And I know it's not gonna be easy They journey long and the battle tough Not so sure I'm even strong enough But then again I've been here before For almost 2 years I held onto Another someone just like you Someone who truly cared about me But whom I pushed so far away Until he just couldn’t be with me again For so long I kept him around Afraid I just couldn’t let him go So instead I just kept holding on My heart and my feelings too Just kept getting hurt time and time again But still I refused to give up The same way I won't give up on you…or us And no I'm not giving up on you now Yes I do still love you And yes I think of you every single day Yes I will miss you so much more than you may ever know I will always remember how good you were to me And how much of it I did not deserve Again this is not me giving up All I'm saying is that I know where you stand And this is me trying to accept that But I can't let you go Seeing you the way I do And being so close to you You will forever be one of the best chapters of my life But sometimes your heart can afford to be "just friends" I've tried so hard, cried so much, put myself thru hell I've begged and I've pleaded For that one last chance This is the only thing I have left to try I wish I could just go back to the day you said goodbye I wish I would've been there Then maybe you'd still be mine But we both know the past can't be changed We both know how bad I messed up And that I'd give the world to have you back But now I know that’s never gonna happen So I've got to do this now Cuz it's now or never And I just can't put myself thru what I did before And be here this time next year Crying and writing About how much I miss you And how much I love you and want you back Cuz come this time next year You still won't want me they I want you I know just how the story ends Nothing is gonna change No matter what I do or say So this my love Is my last attempt at goodbye I wish you the very best And as much as I wish you'd stay I know for you this is what I must do I just hope that every now and then Maybe I’ll cross your mind And you'll remember me For the girl you fell in love with And not the mistake I turned out to be!