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Poem
I keep trying to tell myself
That I can handle this
That being around you has gotten easier
I can smile and I can laugh
I can even make jokes and cut up too
I can be strong or so it seems
Whenever you come around
I can fake all these things
Even pretend all is okay
Being around you was once the hard part
But if you only really ever knew
The pain I  hide deep inside
Or the tears that fall when no one's around
I don’t want to lose you completely
This is my way of still holding on
The time I get with you is usually pretty short
And once you're gone
I hurt and cry for twice as long
And yet I still wanna keep you around
I put myself thru all this pain
Knowing that in the end
You'll never be mine again
I know I've got to put a stop to this
And I know it's not gonna be easy
They journey long and the battle tough
Not so sure I'm even strong enough
But then again I've been here before
For almost 2 years I held onto
Another someone just like you
Someone who truly cared about me
But whom I pushed so far away
Until he just couldn’t be with me again
For so long I kept him around
Afraid I just couldn’t let him go
So instead I just kept holding on
My heart and my feelings too
Just kept getting hurt time and time again
But still I refused to give up
The same way I won't give up on you…or us
And no I'm not giving up on you now
Yes I do still love you
And yes I think of you every single day
Yes I will miss you so much more than you may ever know
I will always remember how good you were to me
And how much of it I did not deserve
Again this is not me giving up
All I'm saying is that I know where you stand
And this is me trying to accept that
But I can't let you go
Seeing you the way I do
And being so close to you
You will forever be one of the best chapters of my life
But sometimes your heart can afford to be "just friends"
I've tried so hard, cried so much, put myself thru hell
I've begged and I've pleaded
For that one last  chance
This is the only thing I have left to try
I wish I could just go back to the day you said goodbye
I wish I would've been there
Then maybe you'd still be mine
But we both know the past can't be changed
We both know how bad I messed up
And that I'd give the world to have you back
But now I know that’s never gonna happen
So I've got to do this now
Cuz it's now or never
And I just can't put myself thru what I did before
And be here this time next year
Crying and writing
About how much I  miss you
And how much I love you and want you back
Cuz come this time next year
You still won't want me they I want you
I know just  how the story ends
Nothing is gonna change
No matter what I do or say
So this my love
Is my last attempt at goodbye
I wish you the very best
And as  much as I wish you'd stay
I know for you this is what I must do
I just hope that every now and then 
Maybe I’ll cross your mind
And you'll remember me
For the girl  you fell in love with
And not the mistake I turned out to be!
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