Oh Deer

When Santa Claus was parking that old sleigh upon the roof Somehow he slipped right off and his expletives were uncouth He splashed down in the fish pond, he was feeling pretty vexed But what he didn’t know was that the sleigh was coming next The sleigh crashed down upon him and his head smashed through its floor Five reindeer rained down on him…followed by another four With an antler in his ear and Rudolph’s bum stuck in his face A little gust of foetid air left Rudolph in disgrace On a brighter note old Santa’s glad to be alive A fall of thirty feet meant he was lucky to survive His only worry now was being faced with Rudolph’s piles But then he didn’t know about the plummeting roof tiles Half the roof cascaded down and covered him in rubble And Santa and the reindeer knew that they were all in trouble But with bruises, cuts and broken bones they managed to get free An aged man said have you got some Christmas gifts for me Santa said are you for real my sleigh just hit the deck The flaming thing came down on me and nearly broke my neck Then the reindeer clobbered me and so did half your roof And now I’m just a little miffed to tell the flipping truth I know your full of good intent but you should know the facts Every house I go to everybody leaves me snacks I always like the mince pies and the carrots come in handy But Rudolph really should have took a rain-check on the brandy