Of Cashiers and Cutters

Each day that I go to work, I feel like I’m a zombie… The smiling faces I put on are all just an act. At the end of the day my jaw hurts from putting on these fake smiles, The smile that seemed to be permanently glued to my face…slowly fades. I’m tired of making petty conversation, when I couldn’t give a damn… But I guess it could be worse… I could be that girl, the one I used to see every Thursday… The one with razor-blade scars on her arms that made my stomach coil… I’d ask her for her bonus card, casually, like everything was okay…perfectly normal… She would hand it to me…cautiously, her hands always shaking. I felt sorry for her… No…I will not show her pity… She’s probably sick of hearing everybody’s sympathetic nonsense… No one can really understand unless they’ve been through it… I can only imagine…but I too have felt like ending my own misery… Sometimes I think of how I could change it all… How I could change this ridiculous routine that I call my life… But then I think twice and remember what I have… And then I thank my lucky stars that I’m smart enough to reconsider this… Something so selfish and cowardice as suicide… Then, my smile becomes real… No more fake, happy-masks…I do give a damn… I am truly thankful for what I have… I am grateful for the job, home and loving family that I have … I am also thankful that I have enough faith in God… Enough faith that I would never take the life that was given to me… Faith is not something to be taken lightly. It’s something not all people have… Something that this girl may not have had… This job…only temporary, I know I can move on…my life could be worse, but it isn’t, I’ve taken so much for granted, its time to say “thanks.”