Numb Part 1

I woke up from a dreamless sleep My vision came through fuzzy and confusing A cold, sharp ringing painfully pierced my ears And irritated every sense The familiar numbness stung my brain And caused a slow, panic educing chill down my spine Rising up from my bed was a challenge My head hung low as I rose from my bed And walked, or floated, to the bathroom I avoided the big mirror that hung on the wall And climbed into the shower As I turned the knob The shower became a torture chamber The water was glass, cutting into my skin Every drop sent a freezing cold shiver down my spine Though the water was lukewarm I panicked, my breathing getting faster and faster I barely washed an inch of skin before Shutting off the shower in a rush While climbing out, My eyes copied the mirror and fogged Following an instinct, I wiped the mirror clean Of its white steamy sheen And caught an unpleasant sight My face... that’s my face? It couldn’t be Staring back at me was a rough skinned Jagged looking face With a red, curling mouth And slanty eyes The eyes were big, black, sucking; I made a face, frowned, forced an uncomfortable smile They copied every move I started to grow hot The toxic, creeping anxiety that I knew too well Rolled up and down my body Who was this stranger that stared back at me In the glass? Why did I not know her? Because I still knew that she was me, but- It’s just too strange, I hated it The hot touch of the pain Crinkled my brain But I managed to pull my eyes Away from the mirror and continue in the numb Drying off was rough and uncomfortable, but bearable I stumbled out of the bathroom, and to the kitchen My roommate met me at the kitchen table At least, I think it was my room mate Her face looked different; distorted I could barely hear or understand what she was saying She smiled so brightly, and gave me a big hug She vomited words that came in blobs and slurs I smiled back at her, because I could tell she was gleeful She was just so happy, and I wanted to be happy with her She reached behind her back and pulled out a card I could focus on the bright colors of the card which was good Her face became brighter as I turned the bright cover Inside were big, red, blurry letters that I had to shove my face into I, for some reason, could barely read or understand them “Hapfy Birdday?” I thought my birthday was in June, isn’t it August? She gave me a tighter hug, said something I didn’t hear