Never Had Such a Hard Time Trying To Do Myself In
I tie the perfect noose
Pull tight on the cord
Kick the chair from underneath me
As my feet both touch the floor
I take the electric toaster
Set it on the edge of the tub
Knock it into the water
But forget to plug in the plug
Laid myself down on the train tracks
Waiting for the 9:05
Little did I know my watch had stopped
Right at a quarter till 9:00
I step out into traffic
Sure this is my last deed in life
Not knowing it was a crosswalk
And I was at a red light
I found the tallest building
On my city block
Made my way to the top floor
Where none of the windows unlocked
Never had such a hard time in life
Trying to do myself in
Apparently I need a new tactic
Apparently I need a new plan
Think I'll just go to bed
Catch me some much needed winks
Maybe when I wake up
I'll have died in my sleep
Copyright © Mike Hauser | Year Posted 2016
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