Tristine Thomas Poet Free verse

Never Alone

A young girl who’s lost & wandering in the darkness cries out

“If there’s a God out there please save me!”

The darkness replied with silence

But she kept listening so intently to the nothingness around her,

Clenching and unclenching her disheveled, fragile little hands

That eventually she wasn’t able to decipher the sound of her own breathing

From the sound of the wind rustling the leaves on the trees around her.



Her mind was torturing her with traumatizing flashbacks

That she had pushed so deep into her brain hoping she would

Never have to relive those feelings again.

She could also feel the poking and prodding of every worry she’s ever had

Resurface and commence fire on her soul.



All she could think about was how lost, afraid, and miserable

She had become and wondered why it happened to her.

She’s tried fighting so hard to regain her hope,

And take control over her thoughts,

But one girl can only fight for so long after she’s endured what feels like

Years of trying to escape from quick sand

And never being able to get out.



She had become mentally and emotionally exhausted

After fighting in the most difficult battle of her life.

She had been bullied to the point where she would be forever damaged, and was

Constantly being criticized for how and why she took every step in her life,

Beat by her previous boyfriend

Multiple accounts of being a victim of sexual assault,

And lost her father.



When she was younger she was always smiling

And doing goofy stunts and talking in odd voices

Just to hear people laugh.

She loved making others comfortable around her

And feel safe expressing themselves to her.

She was always trying to understand the reasons behind people’s actions

Because she just knew

That if she could even slightly comprehend a person’s thought process

Then she could help them.

She could do her to best to relate to them.

She could save them.



A young girl that was once nothing but sunshine and happiness

Is now a young woman that feels there is no meaning in life

And that she will never be good enough.

The pain of her experiences has ripped her reality in half

And shattered all of her plans, hopes, and dreams into

Nothing but little fragments of the girl she used to be.



Eventually her body started showing signs of neglect

An arm full of raw and bloody slashes that are carved into her skin

That she hid because she was afraid of being ridiculed

For her different way of coping.

She only removed the long sleeves,

The stack of bracelets,

And the layers of bandages from her arms

When she craved the cold sting of

A blade slicing through her skin that gave

The release she’d grown addicted to.



She still tried as hard as she could to find something to rekindle her hope

And maybe resuscitate her spirit to get back on her feet

But her body started changing so quickly she became unrecognizable to

Even her closet friends within a matter of weeks.

She looked like she had been through hell and back,

Trying to survive and trying to find help in a place that ignores

Her attempts at getting the help she knew she needed

While the world told her she was at fault;

She put it all on herself so she doesn’t deserve empathy

And it was a phase she was going through she’d get over in a week

And she hurts herself for attention

so she’s an attention ****

She’s a ****

A Skank

****

Emo

Freak

Psycho

Idiot

Worthless

Insane

Weird

                        She was reminded daily of all the things suddenly became

                        The second people knew of her vulnerability.



Her eyes were not sunken in and her hair thinner than before,

The saturation in her skin was receding more with each day,

And her bones were poking out from under her skin like a deformity

Or like her paper thin skin might rip any time she moved.



When she would look into a mirror and stare at her own reflection

All she could ever do was pick out her every flaw

And obsess over what she needed to change

In order for her to feel good about herself.



She hated herself and her appearance so much

She would get physically ill and her mind would

Attain, capture, and distribute thoughts throughout her conscious

Of how repulsive she believed herself to be.



She only felt relief from the thoughts obscuring her to think rationally

When she would isolate herself and proceed to damage her youthful body.

While kneeling over a toilet and forcing herself to vomit,

She tells herself to imagine the vomit as her feelings being expelled

From her body and aiding to numb the pain her heart was drowning in.



A young girl who’s lost and wandering in the darkness pleaded one last time

“If there’s a God out there please save me!”

She sat in the dark planning her final words

When something in the black emptiness reached for her.

She felt soul push it’s way out of her rib cage

Fleeing from her lifeless, cold body

And let herself be taken away in the arms

Of the God she knew had heard her all along.



-t.j.t.

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