Neural Pathways

Sometimes my brain deludes me into believing that I am utterly unlovable. Like a dog who has been in the shelter for far too long, being prepared for his final meal. My throat closes up, My lungs shut down, And there are no other thoughts to be had. I often convince myself that I do not deserve good things, Like I am destined to live and die in a world of hurt. As if something I have done in a past life created this monster of a brain, As if I earned it in a way. I know my brain tricks me, It is conditioned to make things harder than they have to be– I, ultimately, made it that way. It is kind of beautiful though, that self-hatred and trauma can actively alter your brain in a physical sense–constructing neural pathways. Sometimes it helps me to discover the trace of beauty within hideous things.