Negatives In the Family Photos

there is an unpredictable anger etched like a still-frame nightmare where my childhood plays out frame by frame like a view master this ever present slideshow waits for me next to the abandoned pillow which I have claimed like a forgotten city and between us, it's the only thing we trust and this anger leaves sub-dermal stains the type of tattoo that goes straight through the bone, eats the marrow and goes right for the soul this cast iron imagery haunts me and belongs only to my memory void of motion or anything auditory buffering and refusing to play out but I know if I could just hit play that I'd finally see or hear the magic words that trigger this sense of panic that takes over me in those unpredictable moments of anger that appear out of nowhere like estranged family coming back to make a shredded nest in me coloring my world in polar ideology where everyone is a hungry lion with a taste for Christianity and my own metaphors make me question God but it's not your God I question not the one that sits in the box seats eating hot dogs and drinking beer making bets with the Devil on any given Sunday it's the God that lives inside me and keeps pushing this body like a shield into the line of fire and begging me to save that little girl from the next scene