My Wife Cusses Way Too Much - and I Can Prove It

Because of how it happened - with a bunch of people watching - I can offer ample proof it actually did occur, But had she done it privately, with no one else to hear - everyone would wind up - guaranteed - believing her! “That don’t sound like Connie, Mark,” a friend of mine announced...“in all the years I’ve known her I have never heard her swear... But if she does,” he finished up, “I’m sure it’s well deserved...and, seein’ as you cuss yourself...I’d say it’s only fair.” “The difference is,” I fired back, “the bulk of those I use are aimed at rising prices… crazy drivers...crappy steaks... I rarely fire volleys laced with ‘verbal retributions’ at even what I deem to be her very worst mistakes. “Only those who know her well are privy to her whoppers. Most have no idea at all how bad her boo-boos get, And when we try deciphering what she’s done to - muck things up - regardless my diplomacy - she always gets upset! “And that, my friend, is when it starts...provided we’re alone! But this time - as I mentioned - when she blew her blankin’ lid - Several people overheard so...if she claims she didn’t...I can round up someone who will verify she did, And I, at last, will have my proof her ‘potty-mouth’ is real! She spews a bunch o’ ‘nastys’ when she blows her blankin’ top, And only making matters worse - ignoring my requests - has told me, in her special way...she’s ‘never going to stop’!