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My White House Interview

I was nervous about my newest client. Not every Permaculture Designer gets a contract with the WhiteHouse. But, when the President called, or twittered, for an intake interview, I guess it felt like an obligation to at least show up, although perhaps about fifteen minutes late, just to confirm any stereotypes he may have about gay designers. Then, too, what to wear? An organic hemp dress would be confrontational, which would be interesting for me, but probably make it even more challenging for Trump to take me seriously, and who knows what possible acts of patriarchal aggression and innuendo a gay male designer in a non-designer dress might stir up? I wondered if he would be interested in some natural dye wigs as a great way to improve his Zero-Zone, both decorative and shade functional to keep the sun off his bald all-white capital investments. I did show up fashionably late and yet maintaining a good faith effort to take this WhiteHouse gig seriously. When Trump finally stopped talking about what a great job he was doing, I began our long list of Client Interview questions, the ones I took from my Certification Notebook. Me: Generally speaking, Mr. President (I added that part myself--a little ad liberalism), what are your desired uses of this property? POTUS: Well, you know I was in the Lincoln Room the other night, never mind what a great job I was doing in there, but I was remembering my Republican Mentor's challenge about becoming someone who can fool all the people all the time, and I think that's my main goal for this WhiteHouse. Me: Anything else? Perhaps a vegetable garden, or some solar panels, shade trees, organic compost for all these flowers? Rain barrels to catch the roof water for nourishing your played-out chemically-treated plantings? POTUS: No, that's all private contracted to Blackwater. I did mention that I want to drain the swamp and clean out this dump in the LeftWing of the former WhiteHouse promoting health and climate care, didn't I? Me: I seem to recall reading that you are against health care for almost everyone poor enough to be at risk of democratically shared death. But, no, you didn't mention your swamp and LeftWing infestation problems just now. You only mentioned the goal of successfully lieing to everybody about everything all the time, from everywhere you happen to be, including this property. Which, by the way, is a profoundly alarming misread of what Abraham Lincoln actually said, or intended, speaking descriptively of politics as usual. Most of us hear You can fool some people all the time and you can fool all people sometimes without also hearing But you can't fool all the people all the time as a prescriptive challenge for better politics as unusual for future Presidents, Republican or NeoNazi otherwise. But, let's get back to draining your swamp and your problem about the LeftWing. What is your daily routine? POTUS: I usually start each morning meditating and twittering on the shitter about how well we're all doing today. Then, when I'm feeling better, I need and take a shower and get dressed and then I order anything I want for breakfast for me and for whoever else might have slept over and bothered to wake up to eat with me, which tends to be no one, while I'm busy not watching any mainstream media. Then I go over to the RightWing and lie to all the poorest ones and compete with all the richest ones about who can tell the most patriotically expressive patriarchal lies. Then we have lunch. Again, whoever happens to be at my messy trough back next to the old swamp, and then sometimes I play golf and sometimes I play more lies at these really great patriotic pep rallies where I carefully wrap myself in the one true sacred flag, and a preferably red Trump-cap, to go with my all white skin and blue death lips, talking about what a mess our LeftWing is, although, come to think of it, the RightWing is getting a bit bloody and scabby these days too. Me: You got as far as vampire dinner time and after-dinner entertainments. POTUS: Yes, and those are going very well. We're doing the best dinner and entertainment reality show ever in the entire history of this WhiteHouse. Me: So it sounds like you are clear about your fake administration goals and you assess your own swamp draining and LeftWing demolition processes as well under way. It's your dime. We can continue this interview, but given the nature of your goals for what is really OUR property, and not quite so much your own personal corporate fascist personhood mandated to own and exploit this WhiteHouse and our District Swamp and our Left and Right Wings, did you ask for this Design Interview because you just don't know what a Permaculture Designer is, because you only know about Monocultural Elitism, and you were curious about the little people? Or is this actually part of your fake news, that your ecopolitical agenda is in process of receiving Permaculture Design Certification? POTUS: We are doing an amazing job of fooling all the multiculturing people all the climate changing time... Me: Mr. President, with all due respect for your authority, and your sacred fascist mandate, you are a fine teacher and preacher and mentor of and for Mendacious Monocultural Designs for Mutual Obsolescence Certification. But, that is your RightWing mess, which apparently you feel you don't need any help with. And, I think you are absolutely, and even alternatively right about that, and perhaps only that. So I think we are done here. POTUS: How long before we receive our Certificate? Me: You didn't hear a thing I said, did you? POTUS: No, listening isn't my thing. But, occasionally I worry, maybe fooling all the people all the time must most of all include myself, all the time, everywhere I happen to be, including the Lincoln Room in this uncivil swampy property.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

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