My Sickness

in the morning i pick myself out of bed trying to stand staight and hold up my head my mouth is dry and my tummy aches the more i get down on my knees the more my body breaks run to brush the horrifing smell off of my teeth as much i think im winning my throat tells me im in defeat my chest is breaking up out of my own skin my outside looks nice but im dying within its too early to engage in my ungodly ritutal i love the high of my process that has now become habitual no one sees cause it all happens on the inside but the smell that carrys and the loss i have is somethimes hard to hide i think of all that i dont gain and that i do swallow looking at the toll it takes on me i ask will make it to tomorrow in the mirror i can only see all that i portray it is just a matter of time now when i will soon start to decay my eyes wont tell you what really happens to my food when i rush to the bathroom after every meal i know they think its rude in 5 years will i start to show the damage in my throat i stare at the toliet and see the evdience a float so how dose this life style begin to end will it be when the doctor tells me this damage he can not mend why do i forfill this when i know this will make me die as i lean over the toliet i can only ask myself why?