My Plea

I ASK................WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? FOR WHAT CAUSE DO I DWELL WITH THIS MENTAL SICKNESS (NIGHTMARES). I HAVEN'T SLEPTED THROUGH THE NIGHT IN OVER 16 YEARS. FOR SO LONG I'VE BEEN ROAMING, SEARCHING THIS LAND OF NOD, TRYING TO FIND THE ANSWERS. I'VE TRIED TO PLEAD MY CAUSE AND EXPLAIN MY SUPPLICATIONS TO MEN OF GOD BUT NO ONE WOULD HEAR ME. I'VE REACHED OUT TO FAMILY, FRIENDS, ASSOCIATES AND STRANGERS BUT NONE WOULD HAVE ME. NOW I CAN PRAY NO LONGER. WHEN I USED TO PRAY, I ONLY ASKED TO BE RETURNED TO MY DAYS OF OLD. THE DAYS BEFORE MY INNOCENCE WAS STRIPPED AWAY, BEFORE MY MOTHER HANDED ME OVER TO FATE, BEFORE THOSE WHO CLAIMED THEY LOVE ME, SHOWED IT THROUGH SEXUAL ACTS AND PHYSICAL BEATINGS THROUGHOUT MY CHILDHOOD. I TRY EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY TO FORGET. ONLY WHEN IT'S TIME TO SEEK REST, I RELIVE THIS HORROR EVERY NIGHT. THESE HELLISH DREAMS HAVE TAKEN HOLD OF ME. NOW I STAND ALONE. THERE IS A BEAST THAT RAGES WITHIN AND HIS NAME IS ANGER. IN MY LEFT HAND THERE IS A CUP THAT HOLDS THE TEMPTATION OF REVENGE. TO SEEK THE TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF THOSE WHO CAUSED HARM UNTO ME AND IN MY RIGHT HAND, THERE IS A CUP OF REASONING. TO FORGIVE THOSE FOR THEIR FAULTS AND TRANSGRESSIONS AGAINST ME. THE CHOICE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL, HELL OR RIGHT ARE HARD TO MAKE. I AM WHAT YOU WOULD CALL DAMAGED GOODS. NO GOOD THING WILL EVER COME OF ME. THE STIGMATISM FROM MY PAST WON'T ALLOW ME TO FULLY BE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. I'VE BEEN PRETENDING FOR SO MANY YEARS TRYING TO BE SOMETHING THAT I'M NOT. NOW THE PICTURE/ MY FUTURE IS CLEAR. THIS IS MY REVELATION (TRUTH) , MY STORY, MY BEGINNING, LEADING UP TO MY DAYS OF END...............