My Philosophy In Love, Marriage

Do you believe in fate? in destiny? Did fate intervened? Or did you follow your destiny? Fate is something beyond your control. Whereas, many people say you are in control of your life, your own destiny. Let us see: I met my first husband when I was sixteen. There was attraction, love; but not marriage. Although we talked about it, probably after we graduate from college, like in our early twenties. Fate intervened, we got married when I was eighteen. Was it fate, I still wonder or was it caused by my running away from home, living with him, losing my virginity? Since living with somebody without marriage or losing virginity was not the norm, coupled with opinions of others, the marriage was arranged by our elders. We got married, had a son and a daughter. Marriage doomed by his jealousy and temper. Being married in a Catholic church, I took the physical and emotional abuse without telling anyone for I got married as a result of what I did and staying married was taking accountability for what I had done. But, my soul was not in peace, it was suffocated. My mind was restless, continuously ruminating. My heart let my love go, the loving feeling was gone. I did not believe in his love anymore for hurting the one you love is not love. Being on my own was crucial for I care more about me and my well-being. I met my second husband when I was twenty six. Ours was love marriage. We were in love and there were no parties involved when we married. It was my destiny for we planned and wanted it. Love, passion brought a boy and a girl. Fate came knocking in, his alcoholism tore us apart. Despite the facts I went to Al-Anon and therapy to adjust and accept how to live with an alcoholic for I wanted to keep the marriage. Letting go was difficult for he had good characteristics, attributes overshadowed by the effects of his alcoholism. The emotional, mental and financial tolls were affecting my well-being. With a broken heart, I had to let go. My exes are gone. The second one passed away thirteen years ago. The first one, passed on four days ago and when I heard about it, I was sad. I was sad for him; but it was the second one I missed. My take on love is it is giving; however, if the one I love is pulling me down, I would not go down. My self-preservation, self-respect, well-being is more important to me for I love myself and if I don’t, I could not give and share the true meaning of love. And on marriage, the sanctity of marriage is important to me. I value it and committed to it; however, it involves two people to grow with each other with respect, love, understanding and so on. When respect is gone because of abuse or addiction, love is not enough.