My Mothers Curse

What would you do if the part of you that you gave life to is a constant reminder of failure and disappointment? What would you do if they did not value their own self-worth? Would that deem you worthless, or would that make you the one that failed? It's funny how the one thing you would give your life for is the one thing that's destroying you day by day. Aren't you tired of the constant sacrifices, and aren't you tired of being pushed away? Mother, how are you so kind? How do you manage to work so hard and repeat the same day over and over again? When I think about you, I realize how weak I am in comparison. The pain I feel is nowhere near yours. The losses that you have endured in life are greater than anyone I could even think of. Yet you still get up and take care of everyone every day. Yet you still talk to me with a smile and forgive me for all my mistakes. Even if they truly break you deep inside. It hurts more when you are not angry. Your kindness aches my heart. I don't deserve you, mother. You deserve a better child. I am trying. I'm trying to be better. Mother, I am trying. But the truth is, I can never be half the woman you are or even yield a quarter of the kindness in your pure heart. You have lost the one person who gave you happiness and made you feel loved after years of living loveless, and I cannot stop blaming myself. I made you suffer mother, how did you still have a smile on your face? I caused you pain mother, how did you still keep loving me the same? I remember you said my children are my happiness. They are what makes me feel alive and the reason why I look forward to this life. But mother, I've never been the brightest, smartest, or the wisest; I've made uncountable errors, some of which can not be fixed, and yet here you are, still proudly calling me your child and patiently awaiting the day I finally succeed. And yet here you are, still choosing me over your own needs. Your motherhoods cursed you mother, why can’t you see? Open your eyes mother, before you sacrifice your whole life for me. Live your life mother, stop living for me. Live your life mother, it’s yours only.