My Mind's Confusing Game

I sit here before you one might say in boredom, but I think that it’s defeat. I wonder if I will be taken to find answers for survival, or to a peaceful sleep. Should I question my actions? Ask where I’m going from this point on? Or should I just remain defeated as one who’s never won? I want to hold you in the morning without guilt and with no shame. I want to lie there beside you so as to break the patterns of this game. Will you change my inner being? Touch me with your soul? Let me hold your body close to me and erase from existence a side of myself that I behold? Tell me if my questions, my wants, and all my hopes give solace to the existence, that this my body holds. Tell me if I’m foolish, looking for that which might never be attained as I sit here feeling broken, in my state of consciousness and pain. In my mind I search for freedom from the shackles that I wear. But it is often through your existence that I find the love and care. I want to hold you in the morning without guilt and with no shame. I want to lie there beside you so as to break through the cobwebs of my mind’s confusing game.