My Love

I never should have left. I belong here. This is my home. When I left, I left you in the dark, In the unknown. I left you behind and alone. I caused devastation, I thought it would lessen the burden, I hoped it would protect you all. But, I broke so many hearts. I got lost in the chaos of Relapses and shame, To be honest I was afraid, Afraid that I was never going to change. For months I hid behind my facade, I was losing control. I hated myself For want to let go. I traded my soul for a fix, That I never found. What I thought was freedom, Just enabled the disease. I brought the person I loved the most To his knees, Losing me was agony. Can that be forgiven? Really? Can we pretend it was a bad dream? I was chasing something that didn't exist, Running away from my problems When the only problem was me. My mind went insane As I poisoned my body, I felt undeserving of the life I was given. I walked out that door Hoping to end up in heaven, I welcomed the thought of possibly dying, My family deserved better, All I did was cause them trauma and grief. They made it somehow, Not with any of my help, I'm so sorry. I love you, Without you I'm not myself. You make me better, You bring out the best in me. I was blessed with you all, As my family, You make me happy. I know you're my home, I can see it in your eyes, Your heart is connected to mine. What broke you, Broke me too. Without you and my kids, I was lost and on the run, Running from my sins.