Email Poem

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Personal Note:

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Poem

I never should have left.
I belong here.
This is my home.
When I left,
I left you in the dark,
In the unknown.
I left you behind and alone.
I caused devastation,
I thought it would lessen the burden, 
I hoped it would protect you all.
But, I broke so many hearts.
I got lost in the chaos of
Relapses and shame,
To be honest I was afraid,
Afraid that I was never going to change.
For months I hid behind my facade,
I was losing control.
I hated myself 
For want to let go.
I traded my soul for a fix,
That I never found.
What I thought was freedom,
Just enabled the disease.
I brought the person I loved the most
To his knees,
Losing me was agony.
Can that be forgiven?
Really?
Can we pretend it was a bad dream?
I was chasing something that didn't exist,
Running away from my problems
When the only problem was me. 
My mind went insane 
As I poisoned my body,
I felt undeserving of the life I was given.
I walked out that door
Hoping to end up in heaven,
I welcomed the thought of possibly dying,
My family deserved better,
All I did was cause them trauma and grief.
They made it somehow,
Not with any of my help,
I'm so sorry. 

I love you,
Without you I'm not myself. 
You make me better,
You bring out the best in me.
I was blessed with you all,
As my family,
You make me happy.
I know you're my home,
I can see it in your eyes,
Your heart is connected to mine.
What broke you,
Broke me too.
Without you and my kids,
I was lost and on the run,
Running from my sins.

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