My Father's Room

phasing through.... I read the words that are perfectly black and structured. "will it be OK? This is possible to be found in...." I read them intently and enthusiastically but i feel myself shutting down very slowly. My vision blurs as my thoughts trial into white fog... all I see is fuzz on the paper now, I give up my efforts and stare at the ceiling. "Am i tired?".. i think to myself...."sleepy?"..perhaps I just lay on my father's bed enjoying the newly constructed room, happy that things are looking normal.... actually its getting better... not only is the interior renewed but so is my family. And as I stare and wonder at the white space above I say to myself, "wow when was the last time i was this calm?" Yes my life has had its sad moments and dealing with some unfortunates gains of enemies and sadly lost of friends and yes I do have those random burns in my chest when I think randomly of the past or for someone... but i am calm... i am am rather...happy ...with my self? And as I keep thinking this I always have these weird revelations in my father's room, always have such weird dreams in my father's room, always feel comfortable and away in my father's room... Am I in another dimension? My body hasn't felt this kind of optimistic approval in so long Is that why my body tires of this long forgotten feeling? And maybe that why it tries to escape with the feeling, trying to capture it, and leave the husk that is me on the bed going away to the portal that is secretly tucked away in my father's room. Where does my soul go, when I'm not sleeping or awake? Does it go to my true self, better self? Does it go to the adventures, or dreams or things I only read about... I'm not sleeping but I'm not awake. then for a moment I feel myself returning, looking at my body disappointed... staring at myself for awhile... wondering should i return? no one will notice I float feels good to float I smile cause i truly am not anyone but myself I am a goddess for a few minutes i am all knowing but not caring what a sad and ugly body to keep a goddess in. hmm... I melt out from the portal back to a dismal frame past and future joining hand in hand..its been a long time.